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BRIDE OF MONSTERMANIA’
ELVIRA Presents; ‘Monster Mania # 2’
Directed By; Kevin Burns
Produced By; Dawn Ostlund
VAN NESS FILMS, Inc.
Fox Star Productions & Fox Television Studios
A.M.C. ( American Movie Classics Channel)
1999 DVD & Free On You-Tube, Hon!
'WE INTERRUPT THIS WEB-PROGRAM FOR A SPECIAL
This Week DITA's Reviews will shortly Interrupted to bring you A Special JUNE-Bride's Review along w/WE-HO PRIDE (WWW.WEHOPRIDE.COM) this very Weekend (June 2,3RD and 4TH, 2023.)!
Who better for a Review about Marriage, Gay-Marriages or not, than someone very Campy and a 'Icon for GAYS' everywhere than the Gal that put the 'BOOB' back in 'Boob-Tube' , then ELVIRA, MISTRESS OF CEREMONIES, Uh, I mean OF THE DARK!' ( WWW.ELVIRA.COM ) ( WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/TheRealElvira )
As you know by now, I, DITA DIRT NAP, have already started my tradition of Saluting ‘June,' by Reviewing, ‘Bridal-Themed Horror Films’, for all those ‘JUNE-Brides’! This week DITA brings you a Documentary that wuz made for Television back in 1999 that I thoroughly enjoyed when it aired on the ‘AMERICAN MOVIE CLASSICS’ Channel called ‘BRIDE OF MONSTERMANIA’!!! It wuz of course Hosted by one of our favorite Horror Hosts of all time & Icon-4-Gays;'ELVIRA' and now married to a Woman, herself, kids! In fact, DITA remembers when Elvira once Hosted; 'GAY-NIGHT' at our Local Theme Park here in Cali that DITA just loves; 'KNOTTS SCARY FARM'. In fact, her Special-Ride that Year wuz called; 'Elvira's Red Moon Massacre' with a 'Little Red Riding Hood' & Werewolves Theme! No foolin! Ah, ELVIRA, GAY-MARRIAGE & Bridal-Themed Horror Flicks, Oh my!!!
Now this Documentary is not all about Bridal-Themed Horror Movies, but about Women's place in Horror Films throughout the decades, although it does touch on 2 of DITA’s Favorites, ‘BRIDE OF FRANKENSTEIN’ & ‘BRIDES OF DRACULA’. This wuz the follow-up Sequel Documentary to ‘MONSTERMANIA’. L-o-v-e it!!! DITA searched high & low on ‘you-tube’ for a TV Spot of it, and instead this year found the entire Special on 'YOU-TUBE!'
Now this fun but very informative Documentary; 'BRIDE OF MONSTERMANIA' starts out with ELVIRA Hosting from a Castle, I think, complete Back lighting of; Green, red and purple! Beautiful! She also has her standard red velvet couch, fog, candle Obra's and Books with a Skull on top setting Gothically-cool on her Night-Stand! ELVIRA opens the Show with a joke about Weddings that goes;
Elvira- ‘I’ve never been invited to a lot of Weddings but I ‘HAVE’ been invited to a lot of ‘Bachelor Parties!’
She slays me!
The Tag-Line on the DVD says; ‘FROM VAMPIRE VIXENS & WITCHES TO LAB-MADE LADIES! ‘GIRL GHOULS GALORE! ‘SEE AN HOUR OF THE MOST FATAL FEMALES EVER TO HAUNT THE SILVER SCREAM!’
This fright-tastic Documentary is divide into 3 or 4 Sections starting with ‘VAMPIRES & WITCHES’! Don’t cha’ just love it? From here ELVIRA does a most Scare-rific & smoothly professional ‘Voice-Over’ job witch includes looks at some of the following kick-ass female-themed fright films as follows;
‘MARK OF THE VAMPIRE’ ‘THE VAMPIRE LOVER’S’ (Perfect For this Weekends 'WE-HO PRIDE!')
‘DRACULA’S DAUGHTER’ ‘LUST FOR A VAMPIRE’
‘BLOOD & ROSES’ ‘TWINS OF EVIL’
‘VAMPIRE CIRCUS’ ‘BRIDES OF DRACULA’
‘BLACK SUNDAY’ ‘COUNTESS DRACULA’
’LAIR OF THE WHITE WORM’ ‘DRACULA ‘(Universal 1931)
After the Vampire Segment ends ELVIRA states that ; ‘Being a Vampire really sucks!' It's just not natural!’ (Very funny ‘Valley-Girl’ shtick here, kids!) Then ELVIRA moves on to; ‘FEMALE MONSTERS’; MAN-MADE- witch includes some of these Horror-gems;
‘METROPOLIS’ ‘THE BRAIN THAT WOULDN’T DIE’
‘BRIDE OF FRANKENSTEIN‘ ‘FRANKENSTEIN CREATED WOMAN’
‘’SHE DEVIL’ ‘DR. JEKYLL & SISTER HYDE’
‘SHE DEMONS’ ‘THE STEPFORD WIVES’ (Original)
ELVIRA then goes to what she calls; ‘WOMEN POSSESSED’, where she takes a look at
and discusses such demonic horror films such as;
‘BEYOND THE DOOR’
‘CAT PEOPLE’ (1982) Loved the Original 1942 and the 1982 Version with Natasha Kinski!!!)
Last but not least ELVIRA starts the Closing of this Excellent Documentary-Special with a last look at; ‘WOMEN FROM OUTERSPACE’ that includes sci-fi glances at these Films;
‘CAT WOMEN ON THE MOON’ (DITA owns this camp-fest.)
‘DEVIL GIRL FROM MARS’
‘THE ASTOUNDING SHE MONSTER’
‘QUEEN OF BLOOD’ ( Cool, culty Vampire Space-romp.)
‘ALIEN’ ‘ALIENS’ ‘ALIEN 3’ ‘ALIEN 4’ (Sigourney Weaver rocks these Films, hon!!!)
ELVIRA , Our Mistress Of The Dark, then closes with her trademarked, ‘UNPLEASANT DREAMS!’
DITA loved this Documentary with ELVIRA pulling Hosting Duties, quite well & professionally, from beginning to end and is glad to own it finally on DVD and you will too! To get yours, simply Click on the ‘DVD-Icon’ next to Dear Old DITA’s Review tonight or watch the full special on 'You-Tube' now, Dear! DITA gives ‘BRIDE OF MONSTERMANIA’ my perfect Score of 3 Skulls Out Of 3!!!
Now while DITA slips out of her ‘professional-ugly Brides-Maid dress and sweeps
the Church floors of rice & ‘bat-wings’, take a look at another Bridal-Themed
Trailer from DITA-Fave Cult-Director; ED WOOD of; 'BRIDE OF THE MONSTER', By
simply Clicking here> http://youtu.be/uJnlq6JSl5w
Now this Cult-Film is hysterical but not meant to be, but as u know by Now
that's what makes it all better!
Until Next Week, When DITA brings you another Bridal-Themed Movie from the Vault!
'HAPPY WE-HO PRIDE' this weekend in my neck of the 'dark-woods!'
DITA ('BRIDE OF FRANKENSTEIN'), DIRT NAP
(To hear that Gothic Wedding Song sung by you know who, ELVIRA, Just click here my ‘Little’ Spider-Bites> https://youtu.be/RqMfQ7-QR24 )
Also Click here to hear a perfect for a Honeymoon-Ditty by the Late 'DITA-FAVE'; TINA TURNER called; 'TWO PEOPLE', Click here, Hon> https://youtu.be/r5yFDWS45Mo )
P.S. Love 2 'MY' Vamp-Hubby; 'B.J.' of Almost 33 and 1/2 Years!
From your Loving Wife; DITA! XOXO
P.P.S. Here are some More Bridal-Themed Horror-Flick Trailers as follows;
Ed Wood's; 'THE BRIDE AND THE BEAST' > https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QYFvOf7CM6A
'I MARRIED A MONSTER FROM OUTERSPACE' > https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kTZR5Ut9NpA
'BRIDE OF FRANKENSTEIN'> http://youtu.be/eXcZeL5RKnI
'BLOOD SPLATTERED BRIDE'> http://youtu.be/a1CA4SbvJt0
'BRIDES OF DRACULA' (Hammer)> https://youtu.be/8GwHMCJERL4
'THE BRIDE' Starring; STING & JENNIFER BEALS> https://youtu.be/vD4ZVUDtvZw
H.P. Lovecraft's; 'BRIDE OF REANIMATOR'> https://youtu.be/Bt1RxkHX8sc
Ronny Yu's; 'BRIDE OF CHUCKY'> http://youtu.be/gtDElSGxU8s
'HATCHET FOR THE HONEYMOON'> http://youtu.be/L_4XwT6OTSg
'DEVIL'S WEDDING NIGHT'> https://youtu.be/fUUtx0c6GsM
'BRIDES OF BLOOD'; Trailer > https://youtu.be/b5ZwSQFuIZ4
Sing-A-Long Clip from; 'HAUNTED HONEYMOON' > https://youtu.be/VyZM8l-RwYs
Scare-Mail appreciated @ DDN1965@LIVE.COM
'HAPPY GAY-PRIDE-2023,my little spider-bites!'
Also Check out these DITA-Suggested sites as follows;
www.elvira.com (Check Out ELVIRA'S GAY-PRIDE MERCH, NEW & OLD! DITA LIKE-Y!)
www.wehopride.com (For More Info on Events, Performers, etc.)
www.mymoviemonsters.com ('Scary Monsters Magazine!')
www.electricduskdrivein.com (Check out the Latest Flicks for June!)
www.thenewbev.com (In Hollyweird, CA.)
www.cinespia.org ( ‘Hollywood Forever Cemetery Outdoor Movie Screenings!)
www.somethingweird.com (Great Cult DVD Selection says; DITA!)
www.mamievandoren.com (A Gay-Favorite if their ever wuz one, Dear!)
www.madonna.com (Look for her upcoming Big Money-making 'CELEBRATION'-Tour starting in July-2023 and more!)
www.facebook.com/DJDugGraves (DITA says tune into the 'DUG GRAVES RADIO-HORROR SHOW Every Friday Night!)
'FANTASY MISSION FORCE'
Directed By; Chu Yen Ping
Produced By; Shen Hsiao
A Cheung Ming Film
Starring; JACKIE CHAN, Lin Ching Tsia,
Jung Shau Chiu, Wang Yu, Shiu Bu Lia,
Fang Jung, etc.
DVD-1984 Streaming on 'PrimeVideo'
Well hello again my little May Spider-Bites! Tis I, DITA DIRT NAP, your 'Mistress-Of-'Scare-A-Moanies'.
We know 'MAY' marks 'ASIAN AMERICAN & PACIFIC ISLANDERS HERITAGE MONTH!' Also the hash-tag for this months Asian American & Pacific Islander Heritage Month is; #APAHM You see when DITA first moved to LA, CA. from the Midwest I joined a group called; 'Asian Pacific Gays And Friends'. Why you may ask as I am not of Asian decent, uh, that I know of maybe a little pacific islander as all puertoricans are mixed a little of that. But I didn't know anyone here. I began going to their numerous functions, made a lot of new friends that way, felt less alone and even marched in one of their T-Shirts in the section of the PRIDE-Parade that 1995 year in Hollywood, Hon! I will never forget how important that was for this at the time, lonely ole' ghoul-gal!
So tonight DITA brings you one of her favorite Asian Cult Flicks
with a tiny touch of 'Asian-horror folklore' thrown in for good measure called;
'FANTASY MISSION FORCE' from 1984, which btw is also available Streaming on
'TUBI-TV', 'Prime-Video' and found as 'full-movie' on You Tube', Click Here to
See the Trailer of; 'FANTASY MISSION FORCE'>
This fun, Culty adventure Flick stars another 'DITA-Fave'; JACKIE CHAN and in 2023 Celebrates it's 40 Year Anniversary!!! Now DITA will first start off by telling you that Flick is a almost non-stop 'action-adventure' ride best watched con mota or at 'DITA & RENFIELD' Old Stomping Ground Haunt; THE NEW BEVERLY CINEMA', complete with 'audience-participation', here in LA! WWW.THENEWBEV.COM )
DITA will also tell you up front that it is very discombobulated from the get-go but that itself actually adds to the fun. It also picks up More steam when they get to the Horror-Comedy portion of the film. Okay, it starts out with a rag-tag group of misfits that are culled together in a jeep thru out most of this wild-ride of a film because of money offered to them for trying rescue some hostages. Rescue them from Nazi's I believe, dear. Any-Boo, so one person who stands out thru this 'CULT-Flick' with Action-Adventure and heart, DITA will call; 'LADY BAD-ASS'. Why? Cuz she kicks ass and takes names later! She also fights better than most of the men! So she is paired with either a boyfriend or a husband cuz it wasn't made clear which they were.
The Hubby? is sort of a Asian Elvis who is constantly pissing her off. All together this group of 'misfits of a feather flocking together' buddies, which includes a young Jackie Chan who of course kick-ass thru-out and performs his martial arts like a well-sharply choreographed dance in every scene, DITA thinks; 'Crackers', he's Cute! There's also a pairing of two guys who are kind of like an Asian 'Laurel & Hardy', a captain and more. About six of them in the group anyway.
Now as DITA mentioned this Cult Flick remains discombobulated at
nearly all of the beginning of this film. One scene has them in their jeep,
thrown into reverse, driving fast backwards, while unintentionally almost
running over some Scottish dressed soldiers in kilts, no less, along with music
playing that DITA swears almost sounds like either the old musical group from
the 70's called; 'THE MONKEES' or some Asian-Benny Hill type music while this
comedy high-jinks are happening. DITA must also say that this film has
various elements in it including slap-stick, action-adventure, comedy, a silent
film feel in parts where they have the movements of the actors sped up again
reminiscent to old ghoul of 'The Benny Hill Show', the Asian version. It also
includes as DITA mentioned before some fun, cult/wonderful Asian folklore
horror/comedy scenes that I love!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
DITA will now describe some of these scenes before I forget, Hon! These 'spooky-encounter' scenes happen when part of the rag-tag culty bunch decide, all men mind you, to randomly stay overnight at a haunted house. Quickly for these scenes I will do a little 'DITA's Things-2-Look-4-List as follows;
* Scene where the men lay down in one of the rooms of the spooky house to sleep. One of the men just happens to open his eye to see a coffin, they just happen not to notice when picking the room earlier. He sees the coffin slide back and out hops, yes, DITA said 'H-O-P-S' out of the coffin, then hop over to where the men are all sleeping, alah, 3 Stooges snoring-effects, then the hopping vampire checks their breathing, including the one who is awake but is now pretending to be asleep. Why does the Vampire listen for their breathing you may ask? DITA will explain; you see in Asian-horror, they believe that their Vampires would be blind, and can only find you by your breath since their blind. They also hop because Asian-movies believe they would not walk because of 'rig-ah-more-tuss,' as well as believe they would stab you in your neck and then suck your blood out. More on Hopping Vampires in last week's review of another 'DITA-Fave' flick called; 'MR. VAMPIRE'. So back to the hopping vampire. He decides to hop out the window instead of biting the boys. As soon as he does, the no-sleep guy screams like girl, waking up the other men. Too funny, my little' coffin-creepers!'
* Another scene in the haunted house, another guy walks into a room where he sees what he thinks are men sitting around a table playing poker. So he joins in by pulling up a chair.
*One scene has one of the poker-players trying steal a card from the 'mission-force' guy. So he reaches under the table to stop him and sees that the man has stretched his hand all the way under the entire table all the way over to him. Another 'guy' suddenly wants to get a peek at the mission-force guy's hand of cards so he makes his head float over to take a peek, uh, headless!!! Finally the M.F.-Guy realizes that these men are not human and are ghosts. He then quickly high-tails it outta the room.
*Yet another 'Mission-Force Member'-Guy decides to get up in the night and go use the toilet in the creepy bathroom. When he does, he notices while sitting on the toilet that someone is staring at him in the bathroom mirror. He gets scared, can't find toilet paper to wipe himself. So he guts up without wiping and runs thru the now ghoul-filled bathroom where each ghoul is holding out their creepy hands offering him pieces of toilet paper and runs thru the line-up of them, screaming all-the-while!
*Next they finally get to their destination all-together and decide to fight to horrible Nazi's for the big-money of a million dollars. So they have a big shoot-out show down w/the bad guys and decide that whoever's left alive after gets to run away w/the money.
*Next almost all the characters in the 'mission-force' do one exact same thing. What you may ask??? Well, as you know fore sure by know, DITA never likes to tell the whole story and definitely not the ending! I will say that Jackie Chan's character does have a big fight-to-the-finish scene with a big-baddie who wants him dead. In these final scenes Jackie's highly-skilled and perfected martial-arts skills are beautifully displayed in this scenes and will keep you rooting for his character and hanging on the edge of your seat till the end. He is the master when it comes to making his fight scenes look like a skilled, and mesmerizing choreography like non other. He also drops a quick funny line while driving away. END-SCENE, Hon!
DITA loved seeing this film again and once mentioned it in detail in one of my old show episodes of; Horror/Cult Drive-In' when DITA was asked by one of the Creators and Writers of the old; 'CULT MOVIES MAGAZINE', to name one of my Favorite CULT-Films and DITA replied with; 'FANTASY MISSION FORCE!' This film is most definitely low-budget like I love and as mentioned discombobulated as well as all over the place which DITA think 'ONLY' adds to it's Highly Culty-Charm! DITA has also heard it's rumored to finally get the 'MIDNIGHT MOVIE TREATMENT' at my favorite haunt at the NEW BEVERLY CINEMA, located on Beverly Blvd. DITA can Only hope that that rumor comes true sometime before this year is over!!!!!! DITA LIKE-Y!
So get your own Very Culty Copy of this Oooey-Gooey MONDO-Goodness Flick by Clicking on the 'DVD-Icon', next to Dear Old DITA's Review or Stream it on 'Prime-Video', Tubi-TV or watch 'full-film' on you-tube, Hon!
DITA gives this Film a 2 and Half Skulls Score Out of 3 Skulls score! Enjoy it with the one you been vaccinated with asap with some tasty 'road-kill' Pizza with extra tire-tracks and some buttery 'scare-corn' freshly popped and a 2 Liter Bottle of 'CHOKE-A-COLA!' Still stay safe kids and wear your mask in crowded places till we get the final 'all clear!'
Till next week,
DITA wishes you 'Chainsaw- Kisses', DITA ('SOUR-CANDY') DIRT NAP
(Click Here to see that Exact Video Song-Collaboration w/K-POP Group; BLACK PINK & LADY GA GA called; 'SOUR CANDY'> https://youtu.be/XcskGdItsi8 )
P.S. DITA would like to mention the infamous 'GODMOTHER OF ROCK AND ROLL'; TINA TURNER who passed away earlier this week on 5/24/23 at 83! DITA was a very long-time Fan from the early age of 4 when I heard her w/Ike on the Radio in my Uncle Charlie Dirt Nap's Truck. It was the first time I ever listened to the radio. DITA Also attended 2 concerts of hers, one was in 1985 for her infamous 'PRIVATE DANCER TOUR' and once w/Vamp-Hubby; 'B.J.' for her 'WHAT'S LOVE TOUR' in 1993. She was a force to be reckoned with and in DITA's Opinion ; 'A ROCK AND ROLL HURRICANE!' So 'happy existence on 'the other-side' and Thanks TINA for sharing your huge talent w/the world for so many decades! U will be missed forever and their will 'never' be another like you !
DITA says Click here to see tribute-video for Tina> https://youtu.be/3Nh-lANfPHg
Click here to Hear 'DITA's-Favorite TINA Megamix> https://youtu.be/4M8_J6P54_M
Click Here to see her in my favorite Flick; 'MAD MAX; BEYOND THUNDERDOME as 'AUNTY ENTITY'> https://youtu.be/YLjwEodCmT4?t=44
Click here to see ANGELA BASSETS Reaction to the Icon's Death that She played so brilliantly> https://youtu.be/Vpvvma1UmMM
Click here to see her infamous LEGGS Commercial> https://youtu.be/oy0acu0ZdRo
Click to see TINA in a Clip from the Rock-Opera;' TOMMY',playing 'THE ACID QUEEN'> https://youtu.be/OBN7nG8RDlw
Click here to see one of DITA's Favorite Music-Video's From the Late TINA TURNER. We gave her Roses, before she died like at the End of this Music-Video of; 'PRIVATE DANCER'> https://youtu.be/d4QnalIHlVc
p.p.s. Contact DITA DIRT NAP @ DDN1965@LIVE.COM
As usual here are my 'DITA-Suggested'-Sites to Check Out as Follows;
www.electricduskdrivein.com (DITA LIKE-Y!)
www.facebook.com/DJDugGraves (Tune In Every Friday Night to 'DUG GRAVES RADIO-HORROR SHOW!' DITA Also LIKE-Y!)
© D. Dyszel 2023
Dick Dyszel - Voice Actor