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 'NEW YEAR'S EVIL'
Golan-Globus Productions
Directed By; Emmett Alston
Starring; Roz Kelly, Kip Niven,
Grant Cramer, etc.
1981 DVD & Streaming on AMAZON Prime

Hello my little 'Confetti & Champagne Creepers', Tis I, your Mistress of 'Holiday-Horror', back with another New Years-Horror Review to end 2023 with, Hon! DITA hopes your Christmas was creepy with just a touch of peppermint. This New Year's, you're invited to a KILLER-Party............'NEW YEAR'S EVIL'!

To see the culty-cool Trailer, click here, hon; https://youtu.be/owIONt4ya6E

Oh, DITA just loves a good, cheesy Holiday-Themed Fright Flick! This one, like the old song asks; 'What Are You Doing New Year's, New Year's Eve?"  Getting stabbed to death with a pop-up switch blade, silly!  TOTALLY 80's style, of course! This is a guilty pleasure Slasher film if DITA ever saw one. 'NEW YEAR's EVIL' is the kind of low-budget 80's horror film I like when I'm feeling exhausted from holiday stress and don't want to think too hard. The kind you put on if you are having a New Year's Eve Party for friends or curled up staying home with your Honey, blankets pulled up to your chin, the heat on high and your local 'Road-Kill' Pizzeria on speed dial!  You know, to stay in on this special night to avoid all the drunks.

Anyway, this movie is practically drowning in 80's hair,80's fashions and bad 80's music. That's some of the fun part! Also listen for the 'Friday The 13th' rip-off/ back ground music in most climatic scenes.
Let's also not forget the 'god-awful', 'New Year's Evil' Theme Song that' s so cheesy bad that it's good! Big 80's Fun! This fun/culty flick starts out with a woman Hosting a televised rock n' roll New Year's Eve Party. Her name is BLAZE. Why you may ask? It's because she's so sexy, she's on fire, stupid! Blaze has a son ironically named Derek. No, not Derek The Vampiric Announcer. although...................he was in a Cult for Vampires back then (88') or was it working under ground for Dianetics? Or was it Billy.......... or was it Bobby?

I know, Derek; you want me to focus, focus, focus! Back to Blaze.

She was so full of herself, she didn't pay enough attention to her son with some seriously big 80's hair who just got cast on a Series.  Regardless, she starts Hosting the New Year's Count down show and taking live calls on air. A creepy guy with a voice modulator calls in to tell her is going to start killing people around town every hour , on the hour, O.C.D, perhaps? He calls himself  EVIL! Evil wants to take the New Year out with a bang, by killing BLAZE precisely at midnight, 'LIVE' on TV.  Geesh, DITA knows this is taking Reality Shows to the extreme! Tee-hee!

Let's see..........first he kills a nurse while having relations with her and slashes her 'ba-zooms' with his trusty switch blade! Then he kills two girls, by offering the first one some 'Mary-Jane' aka '420'aka Mota.
He then asks her to sniff the bag and quickly puts it over her head and...........well, you know the rest................slash the boobies! Meanwhile he had sent her friend into the liquor store for some New Year's Eve bubbly. She comes back and finds the car gone and her friend's high heel in the back alley by a trash dumpster, complete with her friends scarf sticking out the lid. She lifts the lid expecting her friend's dead body inside, instead finds the killer with a tight schedule to keep, then stabs her, and.................slashes the boobies! He obviously has some 'Mommy-issues!' DITA senses a pattern, hmmmmmm?

To make a long story short; he kills more people, including bikers. They chase him into a Drive-In where their having a 'New Year's Eve Spook-A-Thon Film Fest!' What did you expect? 'Little Orphan Annie' in 3-D? At the Drive-In , Horror movie trailers are playing loudly, with a nice, creepy atmospheric echo. All while the killer tries to commandeer a get-away vehicle with two teenagers fondling each other boobies!  He cleverly makes it into the televised New Year's Party with Stan Laurel mask in tow as a disguise. Now, Dita will stop right here by just saying that the ending involves an elevator ride from hell, the Stan Laurel mask being passed to someone else, and Derek driving a 'MILF 'away in an ambulance!! Hmmmmm!

DITA had fun watching this 80's cheeseball & crackers fright flick last year on the 'Big-Screen' @ New Beverly ;'Grindhouse Film Fest' w/'RENFIELD' in tow back in 2019! (We loved it w/that wild Audience, right 'REN'?')  All of course while wearing my New Year's Party Hat, noise maker and 2 glasses of  'Mogan David' 1981!  A very good year, indeed!

DITA gives 'NEW YEAR's EVIL' 3 SKULLS out of 3! 

 

 

 

 

 

Remember my little '2023-Spider Bites', PLEASE Do NOT 'Drink And Drive' this New Year's! Designate a driver or better yet, call a cab, Uber or Lyft!  This message brought to you by; 'The Better Bone-Bitch Council'!

3-2-1....... 'HAPPY 'FREAKIN' NEW YEAR!!!"
Let the Ball drop in 'Times-Square' with hopefully only a hundred people there as promised this year!'

Also 'HAPPY 2024', my 'Little Dick Clark/Ryan Seacrest-Bites!!!'

"HAPPY 2024' To All Who Visit me Year Round in 'DITA's-DEN!'

Also as a NEW YEARS Gift here is the FULL-Hosting of tonight's Review-Film; 'NEW YEAR'S EVIL' From ELVIRA's Original; 'MOVIE MACABRE' from the 80's just for all who follow me yearly by Clicking here> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Ke1lRec3x8


THANK YOU EVER SO, my little 'Champagne'-filled Spider-Bites!'
Until Next Year
'Chainsaw-Surgical-Mask covered Kisses With A Booster',
DITA ('WHAT ARE YOU DOING NEW YEAR'S) DIRT NAP
('HICK-CUP!") (To see that Remixed Version by DITA-Fave; ELLA FITZGERALD Of 'WHAT ARE YOU DOING NEW YEAR'S?', Simply Click here; http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ii6bWUJTWrI )
 
Scare-Mail to; DDN165@LIVE.COM 

DITA Suggested sites;
www.legendfilms.com
www.electricduskdrivein.com  (DITA LIKE-Y!!!)
www.elvira.com
www.rue-morgue.com
www.shoutfactory.com  (Great Retro-Selection of DVD'S, Hon! Says; DITA!)
www.somethingweird.com  (Hex-cellant Selection of CULT-DVD's!S ays;','Mamma-DIRT NAP!')
www.mymoviemonsters.com  (Home of SCARY MONSTERS MAGAZINE!)
www.blacklivesmatter.com
www.stopasianhate.info
www.cinefilevideo.com
www.vidiots.com
www.fangoria.com
www.radiohalloween.com
www.thenewbev.com
www.madonna.com  (See what MADDIE'S up to for New Year's and More Hon!)
www.ellafitgerald.com
www.facebook.com/EllaFitgerald
www.shockcinemamagazine.com  ( DITA Highly suggests this one.)
www.facebook.com/DJDugGraves (Tune into DUG GRAVES HORROR RADIO SHOW Every Friday Night, Hon! DITA can't wait to listen his 'NEWS YEARS SPECIAL', Hon! )

 



ELVES'
Starring; DAN HAGGERTY, Deanne Lund, Julie Austin, etc.
Directed By; Jeff Mandel
Produced By; Mark Paglia
From Fitzgerald Film Corp. & Triangle Film Inc.
DVD 1989

Hi Kids!
It's me your Candy-Caned Horror/Cult Holiday Hostess; DITA Clawz! Uh, I mean its me DITA DIRT NAP! Back with a truly horrible All-New Holiday Horror Review w/Dan Haggerty ("GRIZZLY ADAMS TV Series, etc.) called; 'ELVES!' Now this film is bad but enjoyable in DITA's humble opinion. Lets see where should I start?
Bad Acting?
CHECK!
Bad Cast?
CHECK!
Bad Storyline/Premise?
CHECK and Double CHECK, Hon!
Made in the 80's like DITA likes?
CHECK, CHECK, CHECK!

To see what Dear Old DITA means ,Check out the Trailer by Clicking here, Dear> https://youtu.be/GLo795JFfpg

The film starts out with 3 young girls going out the dark woods in winter, cuz the lead girls grandfather warned her not to. They hold a candle and recite some weird stuff from a book the girl stole from afore-mentioned grandfather. She then drops the candle in glass thingy and cuts the palm of her hand open. The blood drips into the snow where they just recited the incantation I'm guessing and they quickly wrap up her injured hand in a scarf and skee-daddle out of the woods but as their leaving you see a small claw-like hand rise u out of the ground in the snow, as if its waving good bye. Now DITA must tell you the storyline is convoluted and nutty and sometimes hard to follow or even believe that someone came up with it but also wrote it down and then got it turned into a script.

You see the Elf find its way to the Lead Girls house, attacks the girl's little brother and later unburies her dead cat that her evil-bitch of a mother decided to secretly drowned because she thought the cat was the one who attacked her young son. DITA btw, 'DID NOT' like that part of the film as I DO NOT ever like to see animals harmed , even in horror films. In fact after DITA saw the scene where her evil-cunt of a mother drowns the poor helpless cat in the toilet, I found myself rooting for the Mother to be the first one killed, uh, violently!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Any-who, the girl and her 2 friends work at the local mall and decide to sneak back into the mall after-hours and invite some boys in for some expected in a horror-flick, teenage-agers with raging hormones fun. Oh, by the way, the girl knows Dan Haggerty's character from the mall as he used to be the mall-detective but drank his way out of that job and eventually gets hired to replace the recently murdered by an Elf, Store Santa. You know the kind that get peeded on by kids at Xmas.

Back to the Christmas-themed Horror Flick, to make a long story short, Santa-Dan's character has no place to sleep , so he to lets himself into the closed for the night mall unbeknownst to the girl and her horny friends. They quickly find out that he's there too and agree to not tell on each other. Meanwhile the girls evil cunt-bag mom is home with the lead girl characters weird grandfather. Oh, did DITA mention that the lead-girls Grandfather is also a Nazi??? W-h-a-t? Yes, and we also find out that the Lead Mall-Girls Grandfather is also her biological dad!!! DUN, DUN, DUN! Also DITA should mention that most of the action in this weird but interesting bad film takes place almost all at night.

Now with 'Santa-Dan's' character, he sees that Lead Mall-Girl is being followed by the Evil ,weird-looking Elf that apparently is Only 2 Foot tall. How does DITA-Clawz know this? Cuz they only mention it numerous times thru out this flaming Yule log dookey-stick of a flick. So back to the closed for evening mall.

Their boyfriends for the night finally show up at the front entrance of the closed-mall but are quickly killed by a group of Nazi's looking for the Lead-Mall Girl and its Christmas-eve, so they mean business and start quickly shooting up the place. When this gunfire breaks out one of her girl friends, uh, the slutty-one is dressed in lingerie she tried on in said mall, is taken on a elevator ride by the Nazi's looking for her friend and then arrives in the bloody elevator on the lower level, the doors open and the other dumb-as-a-box-of-rocks Mall-Friend sees her lying bloody in lingerie on the elevator floor and does a bad but expected horror-movie scream and runs away before meeting 'her' untimely death by the weird-looking 2 foot tall Elf. How you might ask? By the evil, weird-looking Elf stabbing her to death on the ground floor of the mall. Btw when this Girl is stabbed by the Elf, it sounds like someone stabbing a bag full of rice. Hmmm? Must have been low-budget on the sound-effects in this low-budget Xmas-horror flick thinks DITA. LOL!

Any way, 'Santa-Dan' is on the hunt and is shooting back at the evil Nazis, after he finds out from the Lead Mall-Girls Grandpa/Father that the reason they are after her on Christmas-eve is because Grandpa Nazi was also into incest and reveals to Grizzly Adams, um, I mean 'Santa-Dan' that he impregnated his own daughter so she could give birth to an in-bred daughter, so that she could grow up to one day on Christmas eve be impregnated by the evil/weird-looking elf, who DITA thinks looks similar to the character of 'BE-LYLE' in the infamous Cult-Film I reviewed eon's ago called; 'BASKET CASE'. Google it ,Hon Great Flick!!!

Before DITA forgets the rest of the Lead Mall-Girls storyline, the reason the Elf needs to impregnate her on Christmas eve is so she can give birth to the 'Anti-Christ'. Ahem, pardon me kids.
Also before I forget, the Lead Mall-Girl's evil bitch-ho of a cat-killing muther does finally get her much-wanted by DITA, come-uppance, when she is taking her Horror-Movie 101-Handbook Nekkid Bath-scene. Just as her evil, piece-of-shite mother gets naked in the tub and starts show you everything she's got, uh, by 'un-joo-lating' in the bath, the evil elf comes in and drops either a plugged-in blow-dryer or a plugged-in radio into her death-bath!  As DITA enjoyed immensely watching her shake to death by electrocution, with no murkin, mind you and is later found dead, naked with one leg propped up on the edge of the tub by 'Santa-Dan', her daughter and her young son.  DITA really enjoyed watching the animal-abuser' suffer all dead and nekkid, my little red and green spider-bites! W-h-a-t? She was evil and killed an innocent animal. Bye, Bitch!

So the final show-down happens after more shooting, more deaths to the Mall-Girl Virgin Queen's Family members. The evil Nazi grandpa/bio-dad tells 'Santa-Dan' how to stop the evil magical elves from taking over the world by copulating the Mall-Girl Virgin in the dark woods on Xmas-eve. Which has to do with two pieces of a magic crystal which her younger brother runs from the woods where the Elf is about to hump her and goes back home and gets the crystal, brings it back to the woods, gives it to his sister who either has or has not fought off the 2 feet evil little fellow and does away with his elf-not-on-a-shelf evil-self.

The credits at this point start to roll by as they do you see what looks like possibly a womb with a two f,uh, with a two uh ,w-a-i-t! As you know DITA never likes to tell the end of the story, so did she let the evil elf diddle her or not before sending him to hell??? To find out for yourself, Simply Click on the 'DVD-Icon' next to dear old DITA's Review to find out for yourself, Hon!

I , DITA CLAWZ gives this Holiday-Horror Flick w/Cult Factor 2 SKULLS OUT OF 3 SKULLS Score!
View it this CHRISTMAS  in your cozy abode with a roaring-fire, a freshly delivered Uber-eats road-kill pizza w/tarantula-sauce and extra 'tire-tracks' and garnished with a dead dragon-fly for that extra-wang kick, a 2 -litter of 'Choke-A-Cola' and a warm blanket that says; 'FORMER PROPERTY OF LINUS VAN PELT!' LOL!

 

 

 

 

Until Next week when DITA CLAWZ brings you Horror for the New Year!
'Surgical-Mask Kisses;,
DITA ("NIGHT CRAWLIN') DIRT NAP
(Click Here to Hear that New Single called; 'NIGHT CRAWLIN' w/MILEY CYRUS & DITA-Fave; BILLY IDOL>
https://youtu.be/ydX8n5ivdiA )

p.s. To Contact DITA DIRT NAP; E-Mail her at; DDN1965@LIVE.COM 

As usual here are some 'DITA-Suggested' Sites as follows;
www.billyidol.net   
www.legendfilms.com
www.peanuts.com 
www.elvira.com  (DITA says Check out her New Xmas Merch, Hon! )
www.facebook.com/TheRealElvira 
www.gumby.com
www.bettyboop.com
www.bettiepage.com 
www.madonna.com 
www.JohnnyMathis.com
www.blacklivesmatter.com
www.cinespia.org 
www.electricduskdrivein.com   (Showing ;'DIE HARD' w/Bruce Willis soon!)
www.mymoviemonsters.com
www.facebook.com/DanHaggerty 
www.somethingweird.com 
www.radiohalloween.com  (Year round Halloween Music and More!)
www.facebook.com/MistyBrew
www.marthastewart.com
www.facebook.com/DJDugGraves  Tune into DUG GRAVES HORROR-RADIO SHOW Every Friday Night, Hon! Xmas-Show Coming Soon!)
www.cinespia.org

 


Creature Feature D. Dyszel 2023
and by
Dick Dyszel - Voice Actor