THE WEIRD PREDICTIONS OF CRISWELL
Hey cool cats & chicks! Welcome back to the dining room, tonight we are having mystery meat with lots of cheese!! Many of you may remember Criswell from Ed Wood's "Plan 9 from Outer Space" and "Orgy of the Dead".
What you didn't know is that Criswell made a lot of weird predictions, some really came true (Ronald Reagan becomes governor of California!!) and sometimes he really missed the mark (the world will end on August 18, 1999!!). I knew that Criswell made predictions long before Ed Wood discovered him but I had no idea that he wrote two books & had a newspaper column that lasted until 1981!!
I discovered this when in the late 1980s, I was in Florida for a few days, and I went to this used bookstore & found one of his books, "Criswell Predicts From now to the Year 2000!" The book was published in 1968 and I got it cheap, but the best part of the deal was that between the last pages of the book were clippings from his newspaper column from 1979-1981. So this book and the clippings are funny and intriguing now that we are in the year 2008!!
Ok, so now let's take a tour of the past that is now our future or will be our future or never was our future!! But remember, "everyone is interested in the future because it's where we will spend the rest of our lives!" Let the "tour" begin: Criswell predicts Homosexual cities:
" I predict that perversion will flood the land beginning in 1970 and a series of homosexual cities will soon be blatantly advertised and exist coast to coast!" Criswell also said that you will be able to find them near Boston, Des Moines, Columbus, Philadelphia, Washington, DC, San Francisco, St. Louis, New Orleans, Dallas & Miami!! Criswell made a point that these cities will put the Greeks to shame with their "organized orgies"!!
Next: Russia: 1973, Criswell predicts that in 1973 a new leader will appear on the Soviet scene and cause great change in 5 years he will lead Russia into a free enterprise system with only a few labels of Communism remaining!! (Of course this happened in the late 1980s!)
Next: Miss America of 1973: Criswell predicts that " Miss America of 1973 will be a Negro girl from Chicago". (The first black Miss America happened in the 1980s!)
Next, Criswell predicts that in 1989, Denver Colorado will be destroyed by a "strange & terrible pressure from outer space that will cause all solids to turn into a jelly like mass!!" ( We're still waiting for that one!!) .
Criswell predicts that between 1988 to 1989 there will be an "Aphrodesian Era" when a scientist releases an anti-septic spray that turns out to be an Aphrodesian fragrance!! He also predicts that the USA will be one big orgy!!
(Somehow we missed that!! Does anyone remember the great orgies of 1988!!??)
Next: Criswell predicts that cannibalism will terrorize the population of Pittsburgh!!
Here are a few predictions that Criswell made in 1980 & 1981: Criswell predicts that the government will pass a law to protect the American Flag from being dragged in the mud, & other forms of mutilation that happen during demonstrations!!
Criswell predicts that because of perverts who hang around schools that many new buildings will have playgrounds on the roof (so pop stars who changed their race and look like the Joker's girlfriend can't molest young boys!!).
Well, lets end this on a upbeat note: Criswell predicts that it is only a matter of time before you join a nudist camp & enjoy the freedom of nudity. The human body is nothing to be ashamed of, for we are all born in the likeness of God and remember it will be in YOUR lifetime when you will walk the street, shop or attend theater in the nude." (!!!) I'm sure you can get a used copy of his book from the Count's Amazon link! Anyway, I'll see you in the future!!!
Stay Groovy!!
Rock Savage
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