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 'MR. VAMPIRE'
Director; Ricky Lau
Producer; Mun Kai Ko, Sammo Hung
Starring; Ching Ying Lam
as 'Master Ko', Siu-Ho Chin, Ricky Hui,
Moon Lee as Ting-Ting,
Bily Lau and Wal Yuen
as The Vampire (The First Grandfather one.)
Bo Ho Film Company Ltd.
Toho Towa
DVD-1985

Welcome back to 'DITA's-DEN', Hon! Tis I, your 'Asian-Themed' Horror/Cult Film Hostess for the Month of May, DITA DIRT NAP! As I continue my theme of 'Asian-Horror & Cult Films in honor of Asian American Pacific Islanders Month and draw attention to Stopping Asian Hate Crimes this year DITA brings you one of long-time Favorite Asian Horror/Comedy Flicks simply called; 'MR. VAMPIRE' from 1985.

DITA wants to remind you if you haven't already to please Tweet; #StopAsianHate this week to bring much-needed awareness to this cause. DITA is against Hate of any kind ,especially to do with anyone's race!!!

Any-boo, this fun action-adventure, martial-arts, Asian culture folklore, fantasy horror/comedy is seen as a part of DITA's long-ago Music Video still on Vimeo under; 'Count Gore De Vol Presents; 'DITA DIRT NAP's Horror/Cult Music Video. Now let me first say that this Cult-Horror Flick was so popular that they made 5 Sequels, which DITA has the entire Collection on DVD! So look for 'MR. VAMPIRE 2' sometime in the future here in Dita's-Den'. Also it was so popular that in Japan it become a popular TV-series.

Now very quickly before DITA forgets, speaking of TV-series. I want to draw your attention to a wonderful new Asian-themed TV series on the CW, DITA has been watching weekly since it began called; 'KUNG FU', which airs on the CW Every Wednesday night. It is a remake of the original ;'KUNG FU' TV-Series from the 70's that Starred the late, great DAVID CARRADINE which DITA used to as a little ghoul-ette w/Father DIRT NAP. The twist on this great new series is instead of the lead character being played by a male, it is played well by a female. DITA highly suggest watching this show as it is Asian-inspired, filmed beautifully and has great characters and a strong female lead
as well as high-octane action and very cool martial arts and great storylines!!!  Take a look at this 'DITA-Suggested Series by Clicking here> https://youtu.be/Wg2_8cxbAXI

Now back to my Review of 'MR. VAMPIRE, Hon! The movie opens with a Head-Master aka Vampire-Killer called Master Ko played brilliant in Mr. Vampire 1 thru 5 by actor; Ching-Ying Lam who wears a 'gore-juss' yellow satin robe ,complete w/ying and yang symbols on the back! He works at keeping Vampires in check for the village he lives in. Now he has two numb skulls working for him DITA will call 'FRICK & FRACK'. One of them is handsome but goofy and the other is just plain goofy. The film opens with Master Ko and his assistants baby-sitting vampires that are lined-up in order with little yellow pieces of magic paper w/Asian writing on them and I believe chicken-blood so they stay-stuck to each vampires forehead. Why you may ask? To keeping them from hopping around causing mayhem!

Let DITA explain; you see in Asian horror folklore they believe that vampires would have 'rig-a-mortis' and there fore would have stiff joints and would have to hop to get around. Also they can be controlled by a bell rung by a master such as Master Ko.  You would think 'hopping vampires' would only be funny but DITA thinks it makes them truly more scary! They also can't see, so they would follow your breath to find you. They can hop, dive and glide as well as stabbing you in the neck with long pointy finger nails and then bite you. They also have super undead strength.  How's that for a vampire?

In the first scene which has a lot going on Frack, the extra goofy one is supposed to be watching them but ends up some how letting the little yellow paper fall off one of their for heads! And the hopping begins! Of course his Boss Master Ko has to be called in to get the now heard of hopping vampires back in order with new yellow papers placed back on their fore heads to control them. You see the yellow paper w/chicken blood on it once placed there keeps them from moving and freezes them in place. Long story short they get them rounded up, yellow papers back in place on each vamp as well as Frick and Frack helping their Master heard them outside and have them all hop in a row to be re-housed for the night all by simply ringing a little bell.

So a man comes to Master Ko for help as his father died 20 years ago but was buried the wrong direction in the grave yard, up instead of long ways, Hon. He goes to investigate the fathers burial site and tells the man's son he must be cremated instead or his father will come back as a vampire of the 'hopping'-variety my little spider-bites. The man doesn't listen telling Master Ko that his father was afraid of fire.  Dumb people 'never' listen , do they kids? So when night falls his father turns into a vampire and hops into the village afore mentioned from the grave yard. He, DITA will call him; Grandpa-Vampire, causes chaos killing someone by stabbing them repeatedly in their neck.  Master Ko is accused by a goofy policeman, kind of a Asian Benny Hill with glasses if you will that DITA will attest to as Goofy-Cop. So 'Goofy-Cop' thinks because Master Ko has long nails that he must be the killer as no one saw the undead hopping grandpa vampire do the slaying of the male villager.

'Goofy-Cop' places the super-intelligent Master-Ko in jail. Master Ko quickly tells his bumbling assistants 'Frick & Frack' to bring his the magical ward-off-vampires items to the jail later that same night which DITA recollects was chicken blood, sticky rice, the afore mentioned yellow papers w/Asian writing, string that when used some what like origami can shock the vampires. The sticky rice burns their feet as it is explained in the film that vampires feet has a lot toxins, Hon. Anyway, DITA forgot to tell you that after Master Ko arrest, the 'Goofy-Cop' who is related to the vampire, which is his Uncle brings his soon to be vampire uncle back to the jail and lays him there outside of the jail cell. Meanwhile the Master is behind bars when all of the sudden the man turns into a vampire and starts chasing his 'goofy-cop' nephew around the entire jail. This scene is hysterical and includes lots of martial arts, action, humour and Asian horror folklore thru-out the scene.

Long story shorter; 'goofy-cop' lets out Master Ko to help stop his uncle after a long funny fight with 'goofy-cop', Frick and Frack, Master Ko and the newly turned hopping uncle vampire, they use every trick in the book and finally burn him alive. DITA also forgot to tell you in the opening scene of this fantastic flick that vampire is in a coffin that gets sealed with chicken blood that is lines the outside of the mans coffin in a criss-cross type of style that when the vampire tries to get out of the coffin, the chicken blood lights up to try and keep the vamp-coffin sealed but the hopping vamp is too strong for it and eventually explodes it open, hops out and horror and hilarity ensues! Love that!
That exact part can be seen in the Trailer for 'MR. VAMPIRE' by Clicking here, Dear> https://youtu.be/JojYPtVqfXY

Don't cha' just love it???

In the scene DITA mentioned the son of the vampire is killed by his father when his vampire escaped from the chicken-blood covered coffin. The son later too turns into a vampire and hilariously hops off into the night. All the while there is another cool storyline going on that involves the Frick-character, you know the handsome goofy one when he is sent by Master Ko go buy sticky rice to help Frack who in the film gets bit by a vampire. He goes at night in the dark with incense stuck burning on the front of his bike to ward off wandering Female-Ghosts. Oh yes my little chicken-blood covered coffin-creepers, that is the other fun/culty Asian origin of folklore from Japan that is shown in this film.

You see in Asian-horror their are usually Female-Ghosts who wander the night looking a for a gullible sucker, uh, I mean looking for a lover.  They come with detachable heads, long hair that attacks, chokes and sometimes strangles her victims to death with it, making Rapunzel look like 'Rebecca Of Sunny Brook Farm'. They also can hide their age and decaying faces, as well as making men fly to them in mid air and possess them until the die, oh and can fly thru the air and do battle. As DITA mention before this film has a lot going on in it!

So the Frick character goes, gets the rice but the cheap and dishonest store honor fills his bag with only half sticky rice and half regular rice comes up why that's a bad thing later in the film. Just as he had feared but didn't notice, a female ghost flies to a nearby tree branch, sits and waits for Frick to ride by and quickly hitches a ride on the back of his bike in the dark-woods he is riding-thru. She hysterically forgets to duck and a big tree branch knocks off his bike. So of course she is not deterred and tricks him by forcing a local village man to pretend to molest her, as she states in her own words. Frick rides by and sees this and scares the tricked-man away leaving the Female Ghost to quickly charm him to bring her back to her home created temporarily by her black-magic and lures him into her bed when later tries to leave by faking a rain storm. In the morning after spending the night w/her and bringing back what DITA can only call; 'Ghost-Hickies', which Master Ko immediately recognizes as Ghost-Possession

So by this point the good Master has his hands full with his two goofy-apprentice One he's trying to keep from turning into a vampire, cuz he was bit in one of the fights they've had already and the other he is trying to de-possess from the female ghost as he knows she'll try again harder this time. First Frack is given bizarre instructions by Master Ko to ward off changing into a vampire completely. One is too keep moving around his arms and legs to ward off 'rig-gah-mortis', so he dances around humorously, somewhat like a geisha-girl that's maybe smoked a ton of weed. Master also tells him to use the sticky rice by putting it around him when he does finally sleep and on the floor so if hopping-vamps attack suddenly it will burn their feet. Despite all that, he wakes up before a vamp-attack ,this time with the sons grandfather attacking in all-out full force.

As DITA was saying he wakes up and sees that his nails have grown into sharp objects and scarring on face which he tries to hide with other Female character called; 'Ting Ting's make up. He eventually wards off turning into a vampire near the end of this DITA-favorite film. When he does turn almost fully at one point , he does a funny/weird kind of stalking walk haunt-stance that tickled DITA's funny-bone, since I am a skeleton! As for the other character of FRICK and the Female-Ghost that won't seem to give up, Master Ko follows Frick back to her make-believe house as she is trying to posses him literally to death. Master Ko jumps into action and battles first with moon-beams captured and reflected to her by way of mirror into her house with a direct hit which angers her. She uses her black magic to quickly make Frick fly back to her just as Master Ko enters her faux-home to have a 'must-be-seen' ghost to master Ko show-down.

First she detaches her head and makes it fly across the room, then she uses her headless body to come up behind him and try to hold his hands hostage. He then pulls out what looks like Asian-origami ropes that she flies right into and gets shocked almost to death. Then at that moment Master Ko tries to kill her by running a sword thru her but Frick asks him not to. This moment the female ghost uses this halt to fly away forever quickly like rocket out a nearby window, When she does her house made by magic crumbles and starts to resemble a run-down crack-house not fit for 'crack-heads' thinks DITA! DITA will say the end battle-scene where everybody fights off the Grandpa Vampire is 'NOT' to be missed as it is filled w/great choreographed fight scenes fast enuff to make your head-spin and continue to 'cresh-shen-doh' non-stop til a wonderful 'we-win' dramatic poetic-justice finale.

Watch for this final scene that has everything happening so quickly that it's brilliant orchestrated , moves of martial-arts mixed with jumps, humour, quick battle-tactics that seem to never end! DITA liked this part the best as well as the scene in this film where 'Goofy-Cop' lands on the shoulders almost of the Uncle Vampire. The Vampire quickly tries to bite his dick off. DITA LIKE-Y!!! There are also funny scenes in the start of the film where Ting Ting , the other female character goes to try and buy make up from Frick at a store and mistakes her for a Hooker! DITA won't tell you what happens at the end of the film but I will say a long-lingering stammering cremation is choreographed horrifically-beautiful! End Scene! That's really 'closing-the-gate' as the Directors say here in Hollyweird! DITA can't say enuff great things about this Cult-tastic Horror/Comedy DIRECT from Asia!

DITA loved the flow, the magic, the Asian folklore, the cast of quirky characters, the 'Cult-tah-lish-ous' Hopping Vampires and even the fun repeated musical-score used in the action-scenes like when two characters are caught in a closet by one of the vampires, who as explained earlier is blind and can't see them, so they take turns, the man and the woman tricking the vamp by holding their breath, then sharing a tube that they blow-out their breath into, so the vampire is confused as to exactly where they are. Remember the hopping-vampires can only find you by your breath, so it makes for much hilarity ensue-ing in ;'MR. VAMPIRE!' DITA could wax and vacs on about this brilliantly done Asian Horror-Comedy but will stop here and highly suggest watching it with a group of fully-vaccinated friends on a BIG-SCREEN HIGH-DEF TV with surround sound, a big bowl of popcorn, a pitcher full of frozen margaritas with lights down low!

DITA gives my favorite 'Hopping-Vampire' Fright Comedy Flick high on Comedy ,Action and Culty Asian Folklore -goodness a perfect Score of 3 Skulls Out Of A 3 Skulls Score and Highly Suggests getting your own Copy to enjoy and find out the ending by Clicking on the 'DVD-Icon; tonight next to Dear Old Decrepit DITA's Review to the Left!

Lastly DITA will be Reviewing More of these Films such as Part 2 and More. so to see the Trailer for 'MR. VAMPIRE 2', simply Click Here> https://youtu.be/hPDpq5T5Ne8

 

 

 

Til next week when DITA brings you another 'Asian-Themed' Martial Arts CULT-Flick seen in my 'Lost-Pilot' on 'you-tube' called; 'CHINESE HERCULES!'

'Surgical-Masked Covered Kisses???'
From Completely Vaccinated
DITA (''HOW U LIKE THAT'') DIRT NAP
(Click here to see that exact Music-Video from K-POP Group; 'BLACK PINK'> https://youtu.be/32si5cfrCNc )

P.S.
Remember to Please 'STOP ASIAN HATE!' TWEET #StopAsianHate
To see a very funny scene from MR. 'VAMPIRE', Click Here>      https://youtu.be/Xee0vjl2agM

P.P.S. Click here to see Siu-Fung Wong as Female Ghost Losing Her Head/Fight Scene Clip> https://youtu.be/g-GOMgzz7Ps

As per 'ush' here are some 'DITA-Suggested'-Sites of importance, Hon;
www.stopasianhate.org  A website dedicated to raising awareness about the injustices and hate crimes against Asians in the West.
www.stopasianhate.info  This is a work-in-progress space to centralize information and important links in support of the #StopAsianHate movement. Learn. Share. Donate. Report. Volunteer.
www.blackpink.com
www.facebook.com/BlackPink
www.vaccinateALL58.com
www.blacklivesmatter.com
www.legendfims.com
www.elvira.com  (Check Out her NEW MAY-Merch and More!)
www.somethingweird.com
www.mymoviemonster.com  (Scary Monsters Magazine!)
www.electricduskdrivein.com  (Movies In May Schedule! DITA highly suggests checking them out!)
www.thenewbev.com  (Re-Opening JUNE 1rst,2021!)
www.radiohalloween.com 
www.facebook.com/DJDugGraves  (Check Out DUG GRAVES HORROR-RADIO SHOW Every Friday Night says DITA!!!)

 



'MOM!'
Directed By; Patrick Rand
Produced By; Leon Dudevoir
'EPIC Productions'
Starring; JEANNE BATES, Stella Stevens,
Mary McDonough, Brion James, etc.
A Cassian Elwes Production
1990 DVD

Greetings once again, My Little 'Blood-Bags', from the 'Mother Of PAMELA-SCREAM' & a Chi-waa-waa/Pug/Jack Russell Terrier Mix called; 'CHILLING-CHINA', I am your 'Mother's Day Horror/Cult Hostess', DITA DIRT NAP!!!

This week 'Mamma-Dirt Nap' helps you celebrate the afore mentioned holiday by bringing you a Special 'Hard-To-Find' Cult-horror Flick entitled, 'MOM!' Yes, DITA said 'Horror-Flick'! 'Mutha-Dirt Nap' & 'B.J.' first viewed this Film back in 1991 with by long-time Friends; 'The Dil-Doe Lady', 'Chaille-Baby' & 'Dougie- Fresh' and loved it! Just take a peek at the cool, Culty Trailer of 'MOM!' and you'll see why!!! Simply click here Dear to see the Trailer for; 'MOM'> https://youtu.be/g73FvOSYdek

See what I mean? Don't cha' just love it???

Now the wonderful Actress that plays the lead role of MOM, is none other than JEANNE BATES, Star of such films as; 'MARK OF THE VAMPIRE', and much, much more!!!  Check out her excellent body of work in the 'cult & horror genres', (she sings as well my Little 'Coffin-Creepers') only at; www.imdb.com  Too see this remarkable Actress's incredible Career in both Horror & Cult genres for decades DITA highly suggests taking a gander at this great 'Jeanne Bates Tribute' video witch showcases said work & includes working alongside the great BELA LUGOSI, no foolin'! For that just Click here kiddos> https://youtu.be/lGy6FGGte0k

This culty horror-rific Film also includes Actress's STELLA STEVENS ('THE NUTTY PROFESSOR', 'POSEIDON ADVENTURE', etc.) (Another DITA-Fave!) & MARY McDONOUGH (TV's; 'THE WALTONS', etc.)! What a Cast & DITA hasn't even told you Storyline yet!  Any-who, a Horror Film perfect for viewing this 'MOTHER'S DAY'!

Other than 'DITA-Fave Flicks like;
'MOMMY;> https://youtu.be/eMvZgr6mo0g
'PICTURE MOMMY DEAD'> https://youtu.be/oLN90cNNomw
'MOMMY DEAREST'> https://youtu.be/O0FNSuJ437w
As well as the Fun/Cult -Comedy Flick from JOHN WATERS called; SERIAL MOM'> https://youtu.be/Ut9GvlhB9f4

As our Story starts out, the Mother (Jeanne Bates) lives on her own in a House but decides to take on Boarder either for extra money or companionship. Uh, that wuz her first mistake, hon! Now her son is a Local News Reporter who she adores cuz he visits her often witch u know all Mother's love!  DITA forgot to mention that this strange, blind new Boarder had recently killed or shall I say attacked and eaten a local wood-be Bus Rider Lady before renting out a room with Dear old' MOM! Hmmmm? Why u may ask??? Cuz he's really a Vampire-Ghoul Guy, silly!

One night while said 'favorite Son' is not visiting her, MOM accidentally knocks off 'Strange-guy's' glasses and........................all 'HELL' breaks loose!!! He of course bites her after a quick transformation into 'Monster-teeth Ghoul Guy' 'BUTT' does not eat her. Cuz he's kind of soft on ole' MOM. She quickly develops Super-strength and.............a craving for..................? Wait for it? Wait for it...........'Homeless People!'

You see now poor, sweet kind, Turkey-basting, pie-making Mom now craves human-flesh too! First she goes downtown w/'Strange-Guy', where they search for just the right homeless person to take to dinner, fatten up, and walk down a dark alley and............attack and feed on while on her knees all while wearing a nice Motherly Coat, scarf and of course pearls! W-H-A-T?  She can't look Motherly while 'ghouling-out???'

Meanwhile, her favorite Son, followed her to the scene, after he had become suspicious of Mom and her Creepy Boarder-Buddy, hanging out so late at night............and Downtown even. He is of course shocked and mortified and even loses his lunch in said dark Alley. She seems pretty normal to this 'Ghoul-Gal'. Oh, right, she would seem tame in the eyes of a fellow Ghoul. LOL!

Anyway, the Son later confronts her, she admits it and they fight w/Strange-Guy and eventually kill him by fire. Hmmmmm? Needless to say, her Reporter son increases his visits to Mom's House. What for, u ask? To keep her from turning her neighbors & visitors into 'all-u-can-eat' buffets, uh, D-U-H! Her son, by the way is married to his newly pregnant wife played 'just-right' by Actress; MARY McDOUGH ('The Walton's) who he is now super worried about cuz Ghoul's just love tasty 'em-bree-o's', babe!

Too make a long Story Shorter and to also not tell the 'WHOLE' story, here are my 'DITA's THINGS-2-LOOK-4 LIST' as follows;

* All Scenes where both Ghouls transform into 'SCARY MONSTERS'!!! Kudos to the Make Up Team on this film, especially the long, sharp pointy mega mouth full of fangs! ( Cool!)

* All MOM's Killing Scenes which include; a Meter Man, almost a 'Girl Scout' selling her infamous tasty cookies, a homeless man, a News Reporter Co-Worker of her Sons, a Sexy big-chested Hooker, and sadly last but not least, one of her own close family members (not her son), and an attempt on an 'in-laws' life. Whew! For a 'Mom-Ghoul', that's some 'good-eatin'!!!

* Scene where MOM is locked up in her room with newly affixed Bars on the windows, peering out at the male installer on a ladder and 'LICKING' her lips! (Love it!)

* Scene with Girl-Scout, hmmmmm?

* Scene with MOM locked in her room howling demonically cuz she's hungry for somethin' 'SKANKY' & big breasted & blonde!

* Scene with MOM being tied down to the bed by favorite Reporter son who just lost his job cuz of the 'time spent being his Mother's keeper' and 'Food-Patrol Warden'.

* Scene with the lovely & Sexy Actress; STELLA STEVENS playing a stacked, spilling out of her 'bra-zeer' top Hooker w/Leopard-Print Hooker Coat in tow. All her scenes are great and really are played to the hilt with sleazy perfection! ( Love her in almost anything w/Dean Martin, kids!!!)

* Scene where 'Hooter's-Gal' FINALLY goes upstairs to earn her pay with MOM!!!'

* End Scene with the Son, the Police Captain and pregnant Daughter-In-Law, etc.

Really 'Hot-Stuff' in this cool end-slight twist scene!!!

Now for the 'EXTRAS' on this disc, witch are sadly only;

+ Original Theatrical Trailer

+ Scene Selection

+ Spanish, English and French

DITA loves this little Cult-Horror movie that could! The only slight weak thing in it is sometimes the pace witch could be a tad quicker. The Cast is great & eclectic and the Storyline weird, fun and kooky in the Best way possible, except for some of the afore mentioned pacing. DITA enjoyed watching this Mother's Day fright flick w/heart, uh, a bloody ripped out heart strictly for snacking mind you, and gives it a Score of 2 and 1/2 SKULLS Out Of Almost 3!!  A half a point wuz taken off for pacing only.

DITA does however highly recommend this hard-2-find Culty-Horror gem of a 'guilty-pleasure' witch u can own by Clicking on the 'DVD-Icon' Next to Dear old Mother DITA's Review!!!

What wood a 'Mother's Day' be without a string of Pearls...................................................and 'B-L-O-O-D!!!

 

A Special Shout Out to all the MOTHER's out there..............uh, whatever u are!!!  'HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY' 2 YA!!!

Until next Week,
'Surgical-Mask Covered Kisses' for now, Hon',
DITA ( 'Stella Stevens Wanna-Be') DIRT NAP
(To see a great 'STELLA STEVENS VIDEO TRIBUTE' since speaking of, Just Click here Babe> https://youtu.be/5_F3sEzPJG8

Please Contact Me; at DDN1965@LIVE.,COM

Also as usual DITA says check out these 'points of interest' websites as follows;
www.legendfilms.com
www.mymoviemonsters.com (Scary Monsters Magazine!)
www.somethingweird.com
www.thenewbev.com  (Which is RE-OPENING On 6/1/21 here in Hollyweird, Hon! DITA can't wait to go back w/RENFIELD in tow!)
www.shoutfactory.com 
www.elvira.com  (Check out All of her NEW MAY MERCH. and More Now!)
www.stopasianhate.org  A website dedicated to raising awareness about the injustices and hate crimes against Asians in the West.
www.electricduskdrivein.com  (Check Out their NEW MAY Schedule Now!)
www.radiohalloween.com  Radio Halloween plays best Halloween music and stories all day, all night, & all year!
www.blacklivesmatter.com The official #BlackLivesMatter Global Network builds power to bring justice, healing, and freedom to Black people across the globe.
www.vaccinateALL58.com  Vaccinate All 58 Ė Letís Get to Immunity.
www.fangoria.com 
www.facebook.com/DJDugGraves  (Tune in to DUG GRAVES HORROR-RADIO SHOW Every Friday Night!!!)
www.ElectricDuskDrivein.com Electric Dusk Drive-In LA's longest running Outdoor Movies Drive-In theater company and outdoor movie venue since 2012.
www.elvira.com
This Review Dedicated to someone special to DITA; '

 


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Creature Feature © D. Dyszel 2021
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Dick Dyszel - Voice Actor