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‘TALES FROM THE CRYPT’ (British-Version)
‘An AMICUS Production’
Starring; JOAN COLLINS & PETER CUSHING,
RALPH RICHARDSON as the Crypt-Keeper, etc.
1972 DVD & Streaming on 'SHUDDER' & 'TUBI-TV!'
Season-Greetings my Little Holiday
Spider-Bites! Tis I , your Horror/Cult Mistress Of Terror, as we move into the
merry month of December, DITA DIRT NAP! DITA hopes you enjoyed your Thanksgiving
Turkey Meals early this week as well as the infamous 'BLACK-FRIDAY'-Deals!
To kick off the 'Holiday-Season, I bring you; ’TALES FROM THE CRYPT’ from 1972. A British-version of our American TV-Series; ’TALES FROM THE CRYPT’, as well as the Comic. DITA suggests looking at the Culty-holiday cool Trailer for the Film by Clicking here, Dear> https://youtu.be/_ol4MvRkWek
DAME-JOAN COLLINS plays an evil Trophy-Wife who on Christmas-Eve decides to do-away w/her Husband. First DITA must say, I hadn’t seen this Cult-Horror-Holiday Gem for about 5 years until this week when my good friend, who only lives a hop-,skip and a jump away from dear old DITA here in West Hollyweird, the ‘MAD DOCTOR D.’ ,had me over for a 'holiday-viewing get-together' as we have done many times before but did it this year in 2021. We watched this flick w/anticipation and popcorn as well as ‘sweet-tea’ w/vulture-juice, and the faint-smell of our forever-friend; Mary-Jane in the air. Lol.
Back to the Film, first Joan/Trophy-Wife
bashes poor unsuspecting Hubby over the with a fire-place poker, all while her
radio spews out Christmas Music, and her small daughter upstairs ,tucked in bed
while visions of Sugar-Plumbs danced in her head. (Keep that little fact in
mind, Kids, as it is a clue near the end.) In fact this part was recently
recreated recently 3 seasons ago on the TV show Joan was on called; AMERICAN
HORROR STORY; APOCALYPSE, and retitled in that show; 'A CHRISTMAS TO DISMEMBER',
with Joan being chased once again by a Psycho-Santa but with a chainsaw this
time. In that TV show the Santa starts having a cough-attack while trying to
dismember Joan. She then calls out; 'C-U-T!
Then states; 'Can someone get Santa a cough-drop! LOL! To see Joan in that TV show rein-acting this very film, Click here, Dear> https://youtu.be/yH3_xpu0ig8
DITA wants back up a little bit as I forgot to mention that this story is just one of four stories that are told in various ‘vin-yettes’ in this culty-classic flick. In fact, the film opens w/Joan and other people taking what looks like a tour of ancient Catacombs with a Hooded Tour-Guide, that begins to detour them while on this alleged tour. He starts w/DIVA Joan’s story first, then slowly thru-out the course of the film, tells each guests story of ill-gotten gain/behavior before coming of this faux-tour, my little ‘red & green’, blood-bags!
That being said/explained, we now pick up
where DITA left off w/Joan then hearing an important radio-bulletin announcing
that a insane-asylum resident has recently escaped in her area and is disguised
in a stolen Santa-Suit and is considered armed and dangerous. The Radio also
instructs nearby residents to lock their doors and windows. As Joan is starting
to start 'clean-up' on dead-hubby lying lifeless on their living-room
shag-carpet and totally 70’s décor home, she hears a loud knock at her door and
then someone harshly shaking her door-knob and locks. She looks outside her
window and sees the afore-mentioned ‘sigh-koe’ Santa peering in her window as
well as lunging at her w/his hands coming thru her open windows.
YIKES! DITA screams; ‘Call the 'Po-po', Joan!’
Oh right, she can’t as she still has her dead-hubby’s body lying lifeless on her floor right out in the open. She quickly locks all the doors and windows and shutters. She then proceeds to clean up her murder-mess, including washing blood off the fire place poker as well as her hands. She then drags her dead-hubby’s body to the basement stairs and pushes it down the stairs where it falls in a heap , face-down on the basement floor. Then the little 'devil-within-minks' goes back upstairs where she killed him, scoops up some of his blood in a champagne glass, brings it back downstairs and pours it next to his head-wound to make it look like a accident of him falling down the stairs and dying that way. As she finishes this her daughter who is now awake , comes excitedly out of their foyer w/jingle-bells ringing in her wee hands and announces that SANTA is …………..??? That Santa is now…….???
As you all know by now, DITA never likes to
tell the whole story but to find out where & what ‘SIGH-KOE'—Santa did, you can
simply Click on the ‘DVD-Icon’or simply stream it on 'TUBI-TV' or perhaps 'Shudder',
next to DITA’s Review to get your own Copy of; ’TALES FROM THE CRYPT’.
Plus DITA thinks the Movie-Poster makes a nice Christmas-Gift for your special ‘horror-lover’ on your Xmas-List, Hon.
Now my little ‘misfit-toys’, that was only one of the 5 tales included in this horror-tale. That one starring; JOAN was called; ’AND ALL THROUGH THE NIGHT’. The next one is called; ’REFLECTION OF DEATH’ and stars; IAN HENDRY. After Joan’s Tale the Crypt-Kreeper played by ; RALPH RICHARDSON turns to Ian’s character on the supposed Catacomb-Tour and recites his tale of Ian having been involved in a horrible Car-Crash w/his wife, where she is blinded in the accident and he goes around scaring the ‘bah-jesus’ outta everyone as he finally figures out, that he is horroriably disfigured from the accident and possibly one of the un-dead left to roam the earth. Hmmm? To make a long story shorter, DITA will now speed-up the pace of the remaining tales, dear.
The next Crypt-Keeper tale is called; ’POETIC-JUSTICE’ and stars the iconic-horror star; ’PETER CUSHING!’ Peter plays a wonderfully kind old man who is living out his senior years as a widower who only wants to live out his golden years in the quaint little house and property he lived in w/his dear departed wife. He now only has his dogs to keep him company as well as refurbishing old toys to give the neighbor-children as well as spending his time w/them making them happy. Long story short, one of his evil mean-spirited neighbors has it in for him and sets out to make quickly lose everything he has that’s left in his life that’s near and ear starting w/his precious dogs. Damn , that man says DITA! Not man’s best-friend. Wow, he really is a evil neighbor.
Before the other things can be set into
motion, by the despicable neighbor, the old-man/Peter Cushing has been keeping
in touch w/his wife on the ‘other-side’ via ‘wee-gee'- board’.
She warns him by spelling out; ’d-a-n-g-e-r’. after she spells out the warning to her husband, the negativity-factor is amped way-up by the evil no-soul neighbor towards the kindly old man. Next he makes the poor old guy lose his job. The only bright point is that at least one of his dogs escapes and finds his way back home to the man.
Then comes the worst on VALENTINES-DAY, the
evil neighbor has towns-people and himself send the poor old man some very
hateful negative valentines to him that sadly force the guy to put his own nail
in his coffin by bringing about his own death as he figured he had nothing left.
Then one year later exactly on Valentines-Day, the old-man/Peter Cushing rises
slowly and literally from the grave and pulls himself up and out of his grave
and 'walking-dead's' it back to the neighbor's home next his old house where he
once lived and comes upon him at his desk and kills him. His friend comes
in the next morning and finds the man dead and covered in blood , head-down on
his desk with only a bloody valentine note with a gothically-penned poem that
ends w/something to the affect of 'ripping your heart out', complete with the
man's 'Corazon' lying at the end of the poem, as the undead old man had
poetically ripped it out.
The next tale was called; 'WISH YOU WERE HERE' and stars; RICHARD GREENE. Now DITA will tell you this story is based on the infamous; 'Monkey's-Paw' story about a couple getting 3-Wishes after they suddenly finding out they are in financial helter-skelter and have just had to sell all their art-work they have collected from all-around the world which of course includes a statuette the is inscribed, basically saying they get 3-Wishes.
Hmmmm.... Also let my stop here a sec to let you know that DITA has loved every 'AMICUS'-Film she has ever viewed as they always have great fascinating horror stories, great casting, great lighting and sets as well as usually start out w/the camera panning across some great gothic-grave yard, complete w/no skimping on garishness and gloom! DITA just loves that. BTW, this film does also start out panning across a cool gothic graveyard, heavy on the garish but great decor final resting-place. That being said this film has garnered a huge cult-following over the years. Also you will find different DVD-companies that carry it and put it out ,that some have the original uncensored gore and some have the much censored gore as some of them deemed the gore too much. Hmmm, who are they to judge? DITA will take uncensored-gore over censored-gore any day, Hon!!!
Any-who, back to the Crypt-Keeper's story of
our next tour-guests of the alleged catacombs again called; 'WISH YOU WERE
HERE'. This tale as DITA mentioned before involved a couple with a statuette that
grants them 3-Wishes. The first wish is quickly made by the wife for them to
have their finances back to normal or even more wealthy than before.
No sooner than she makes the wish the phone rings from their banker and tells the husband that they have come back into money again and to quickly drive over and see him about it.
He does and of course has an accident in the car not before suffering a heart attack and dies. The wife finds out quickly about it from their banker and he comes over to try and comfort her. Before he can offer comfort she makes the 2nd Wish without thinking it through and horror ensues. Then comes the 3rd and finally wish that DITA will just say involves, never being able to die and more horrific-circumstances that are unimaginable by the common human mind. End-scene.
Now for the final Crypt-Keepers re-telling of the last tour-guests of the catacombs, if that's what they are, dear??? Hmmm?
Anyway, my little bloody Scrooges, this
final tale is called; 'BLIND-ALLEYS' which stars; NIGEL PATRICK. This tale
was the most horrific in DITA and 'MAD DOCTOR D.'s', humble opinion and we
thought, very cringe-inducing as well as slowly but a great build-up to the
fear-finale, kids. Nigel/New Home For The Blind-Boss, comes in to a men's
home for the blind and immediately starts making cruel cuts in the budget for
the place like cutting off the heat at night, serving slop for meals w/no meat
Anyway, the residents lose it in the end when one of their fellow residents gets sick in the middle of the night and the cruel new boss of their home-for-the-blind refuses to get a doctor for him (especially a shame since he could of at least called my good friend 'MAD DOCTOR D.' to the rescue as he would have made an exception and made a late-nite 'house-call, babe. I mean, really?).
After the poor-guy dies the residents take
over the home/now asylum and apprehend the new evil scrooge-like boss and his
faithful protective ,somewhat scary German Shepard.
First they place food for the dog along the wall outside his evil-masters office and the lead the vicious dog away into a locked room and start to starve the 'kay-nine'. Meanwhile they lock the evil new boss in another room, for days while the blind residents build a trap-corridor from the Evil Bosses locked-room all the way to his......??? W-ha-t?
You know DITA as mentioned many times before never likes to tell the whole story but I will tell you the evil boss-man has to now make his way thru the newly built corridor the is narrow and lined with sharp razor-blades along the walls, and that he makes it thru once, w/'cuts-o-plenty', but has to run for his life a 2nd time as he suddenly finds a slowly opening door with a very hungry _ _ _ fill-in-the-blank, Hon at the end of the new corridor! End-scene and c-r-i-n-g-e, Hon, c-r-i-n-g-e! Yikes!
Whew , yes, Kids it's finally over as the
Crypt-keeper finally reveals why their all on the supposed tour by opening a
large wall with long drop into a burning lake of_ _ _ _ ,(fill-in-the-blank), as
they are not on a catacomb tour but actually .....but are actually in
........?????? W-h-a-t? DITA wants you to get it for your self or
stream it and find out the rest of this gothically-great holiday horror tale
that entertains thru-out and considered by DITA some of Miss Collins best-work
in a long list of horror, cult and sci-fi films in her scary but overtly sexy
cache of a filmography! Click here to see a JOAN COLLINS TRIBUTE VIDEO, Hon>
DITA loved this Cult-Horror Gem of a film and gives my perfect score of 3 Skulls Out of 3 Skulls score! L-o-v-e it!
This Flick will help you get ready for our Upcoming Black Christmas Holiday with a little help from JOAN COLLINS!
The Movie Poster for this Culty Fright-Flick is available on Amazon. COM
P.S. Joan Collins has a brand new book that just came out. You can find it on Amazon!
Until next week,
'Surgical-Mask KISSES with a Booster Shot',
DITA ('MONSTERS HOLIDAY') DIRT NAP.
(To see the exact song from the Infamous; BORIS PICKETT, called; 'MONSTER'S HOLIDAY', Simply Click Here, Hon> https://youtu.be/_BEB49GBiYE)
As usual , here are some DITA-Suggested-sites as follows;
www.mymoviemonsters.com is the home of Scary Monsters Magazine
www.elvira.com (DITA Highly Suggests Checking Out ELVIRA'S NEW XMAS MERCH!!!!')
www.thenewbev.com (CHECK OUT THEIR NEW DECEMBER SCHEDULE, Hon!)
www.somethingweird.com (Great Cult DVD's Selection says DITA!)
www.electricduskdrivein.com (Check out their Cool Xmas Flicks Scheduled for December, Hon! DITA LIKE-Y!)
www.bettyboop.com Betty Boop | Home - The Official Betty Boop Website
www.facebook.com/DJDugGraves (Listen every Friday Night to DUG GRAVES HORROR RADIO SHOW, Hon!)
Directed By; Ed Hunt
Produced By: Gerald T Olson
Starring: Lori Lethin, Melinda Cordell,
JULIE BROWN, Joe Penny, Bert Kramer, K.C Martel,
Also Starring as the evil children.
Elizbeth Hoy, Billy Jacoby, Andy Freeman
Cameo By: Jose Ferrer With Susan Strasberg
1981 DVD & Now Streaming on Amazon Prime....
Greetings once again, my little 'Spider- bites'. Tis I , DITA
DIRT NAP, Your 'Horror/Cult' Birthday-Ghoul/Girl who's now turning 56, this
Month on Nov.18th! “I Bring you a special 'Birthday-Girl' horror review again
this year for my birthday, here in 'DITA's DEN'.
Let's start with a look at the Grindhouse Horror-Flick;'BLOODY BIRTHDAY!' DITA loves this little horror 'Birthday-gem' of a movie. Too see why: click here for the trailer> https://youtu.be/Cm0yGeH-tKo
Don’t cha just love it? DITA highly recommends this culty fun film!
The story line starts out with three children, born the same day during a total eclipse not of the heart mine you LOL! Make no mistakes, these children are pure evil. In a nut shell the movie revolves around there upcoming 'Joint Birthday- Party' in there neighbor-HOOD!
'BLOODY BIRTHDAY' reads like a Video-Mash up of movies like:. Beginning scenes of 'HALLOWEEN', 'CHILDREN OF THE DAMNED', 'THE BAD SEED', 'THE CHILDREN OF THE CORN', 'THE CHILDREN', With a little of ,'HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME' thrown in for good measure.
Now for the fun scenes in this fright-flick. DITA’S
*Opening scene with horny couple making out in open grave in the cemetery. Brutally murder and then covered with dirt. Man is killed by shovel to the head. Woman killed by quick noose to the neck (Can you Guess witch evil three-sum?)
*Scene with evil girl charging money to her evil buddies to look thru a peek hole in her closet at her older sister (JULIE BROWN) doing a strip-tease which includes 'necked-hooters!'
*Scene with one of the evil three looking thru a van window at a naked couple having sex. Then the boy opens the van door and shoots the guy dead. Oh, and the screaming girl too!
*The evil kids locking a boy in a discarded fridge in junk yard.
*Scene with birthday party for evil three. Evil boy with glasses trying to decorate cake with ant poison!
*Part with evil girl and friends killing police officer dad with baseball bat after first attempt with a 'strategically-placed' skateboard fails.
*Part with evil three shooting bitchy teacher in head!
*End scene with dramatic climax fight/chase finale that leaves room for a sequel! Oooooh, DITA hopes so!!!)
DITA hasn't told all the horrorific scenes in this campy film, so as not to ruin the movie but I will now reveal the EXTRAS Witch are as follows:
+ED HUNT Bio. (DITA SAYS CHECK IT OUT!!!)
+Max Rosenberg interview (DITA like-y!!!)
+Trailers from 'VCI' Witch include: “KISS OF THE TARANTULA,” “DON’T OPEN THE DOOR,” “HOMEWORK” A Cult-Sex Comedy starring; DITA-Fave; JOAN COLLINS. (www.joancollins.net ) Also see the Trailer for this Culty/Sexxxy Flick here> https://youtu.be/ffDKj9pPdSA
DITA loves this movie to no end cuz it also has all factors in a 80’s Camp-Horror-Holiday Film that I just love. Like hokey music that sounds like it wuz recycled from old episodes of TV’s ‘LASSIE’, high camp factor out the 'wahz-zoo', bad acting, cheesy reused plots, and lots of ‘T. & A.’ witch I always want and need, Hon! All this and 80’s M-TV Fave; JULIE BROWN! L-O-V-E HER!!!
DITA also has been a Fan of her work like; M-TV’s ‘JUST SAY JULIE!’, ‘EARTH GIRLS ARE EASY’, her very funny Spoof-Movie of MADONNA’s called ‘MEDUSA; ‘DARE TO BE TRUTHFUL’ ( To see a Clip from that film just click here; https://youtu.be/SNXxJrz9mqA, and her various Music Video Spoofs, etc!!!
DITA highly suggests this Cult-Horror Birthday-Bash , uh, literally, on DVD as well as Streaming on Amazon Prime and gives it my Coveted 3 Skulls Out Of 3 Skulls Score!
‘HAPPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME……INDEED!!! Now that candles are all blown out on my Cake, let's put it in the fridge to save for Dessert next to the Pumpkin-pie and 'B.J'.'s homemade 'sweet blood 'poe-tay-toe pie'. Made w/fresh blood and toes, Dear!
Now as DITA & 'B.J.' prepare the Table for our Thanksgiving
Guests (we invited 'RENFIELD', 'MAD DR.-D.' & 'MAIZE-JONES!' I'll just seat our
'College-Student' and home for the Holidays Daughter 'PAMELA-SCREAM' at the
'Kiddie-Table', with our Pup; 'CHILLING-CHINA'.
Now let DITA give you a 'Mini-Cult/Horror Review' just for 'Thanksgiving', called; 'BLOOD FREAK' or as some call it; 'ATTACK OF THE TURKEY-MONSTER!' 'DING-DONG!' Ooooops, that must be our Thanksgiving Dinner Guests! While DITA answers the door and 'B.J.' takes their coats, why don't you take a look at the TRAILER of 'BLOOD FREAK' By Clicking here; https://youtu.be/46E7Q8Ns4GY )
U can tell this 'Killer/Monster-Turkey' Movie is right up DITA's Alley , just by that Trailer alone! Make no mistake, this Turkey-Horror is so bad it's good.......uh, and funny in a not meant to be way!
Here's the Storyline in quick 'Turkey-carcass Nutshell' as follows, Hon;
Hot Muscular Biker Dude offers a groovy-chick with a Flat tire a
ride home. He then winds up at a 'Drug-Party', with/'her sister'. Then on to her
Father's 'Turkey-Farm!' Her Father happens to be a 'Mad-Scientist', of course.
Ooooooh, the plot thickens, my Little 'Mashed-Blood 'poh-tae-toes' &
stuffing's!' The Mad Doc' turns the Biker-dude w/the beautiful biceps into
a half-man, half turkey Monster. Why you may ask? To kill off those
pesky drug dealers and druggies, silly!
Long story short, the 'Turkey-Monster' goes around killing druggies 'animal-slaughter house style' cuz he needs the drug-infested blood to.........to..........Oh, I forget why! Who cares, it's funny, butt definitely not meant to be, witch in turn makes it even more funny & more weird! Which is what you expect from one of DITA's Favorite Video Companies, 'SOMETHING WEIRD', 'Special Edition', with cool 'EXTRA's' included of course.
DITA liked this Movie perfect for a 'Something Weird'-Thanksgiving! DITA gives it 2 1/2 SKULLS Out Of 3.
'F.Y.I.- DITA will Review this 'Guilty-pleasure Druggie
Turkey-Monster' Fright Flick on a future Thanksgiving, in full detail.
Why cuz it's just that much fun!
As my Thanksgiving Guests finish the gnawing, gobbling & puncturing their Thanksgiving Feast, may I suggest you Click on the 'DVD-Icon' of 'BLOOD FREAK' to get your own Cult-Horror Copy 2-Nite, located next to DITA's Review. (DITA LIKE-Y!!!)
DITA wood like to Thank you all for Celebrating my BLOODY-BIRTHDAY once again here in 'DITA's DEN' this year and wishes you all a 'HAPPY HAUNTINGLY MEMORABLE THANKSGIVING' w/your own Family & Friends, soon.
As 'B.J.' & I clear our now messy Dinning-Room Table, and say goodbye to our Dinner Guests, and try to get our Pup; 'CHILLING-CHINA' to stop snorting down her dessert like the 'Demon-Pig' w/Red Eyes from 'THE AMITYVILLE HORROR', Uh, The Original w/Margot Kidder, Hon!
Until next time,
‘VACCINATED WITH A BOOSTER SHOT WITH PROOF CHAINSAW-KISSES’, DITA ( ‘TRAPPED IN THE BODY OF A WHITE GIRL’/'Over The River And Thru The Woods') DIRT NAP ( To see that cool JULIE BROWN 80’s Music Video; 'Trapped In The Body Of A White Girl', just click here babe; https://youtu.be/Oab8ectMrcc )
(& Too See the TV SPOT for DITA-Fave; 'A CHARLIE BROWN THANKSGIVING', which is also Streaming on AMAZON-PRIME, Click here> https://youtu.be/WSDLdq3FDtk
As DITA now approaches my 56th Birthday this year on Thursday 11/18/21, so again here is my favorite ‘Cult-Toon’ Starring in; ‘BETTY BOOPS BIRTHDAY PARTY’, uh, simply click here babe> https://youtu.be/nj5urVMsV8E
‘Birthday Wishes’ appreciated at; DDN1965@live.com
Thanks again for celebrating my Birthday once again on CountGore.com, uh, ever-so!
Also as always these fun sites;
www.mymoviemonsters.com ("Scary Monsters Magazine')
www.imdb.com (Type in Julie Brown to see her funny Body of work.)
www.somethingweird.com (Great Cult-Movies like TONITE'S; 'BLOOD FREAK' and much more on DVD, etc. DITA Recommends!)
www.shoutfactory.com (DITA also Like-y!)
www.facebook.com/DJDuGraves (Tune In Every Friday Night to the 'DUG GRAVES RADIO-HORROR SHOW', Hon!)
Directors; Brendan Cowles & Shane Kuhn
Produced By; Carl Levin, etc.
'LIONS GATE Films'
Starring; LEIGHTON MEESTER (TV's; 'The Gossip Girls') & MORGAN SPURLOCK ('Super Size Me', etc.)
2007 DVD & Streaming on 'Shudder' and TUBI-TV.
Hi Kids, It's B-a-a-a-a-a-a-c-c-k-k-k!
DITA, decided to go 'Food-Related', for the THANKSGIVING-Holiday coming later this Month of November, and go with the 'Other-White-Meat'; PORK! DITA hopes your Halloween was 'fun-sized' last week btw! As you may know the 'McRIBB is Back, again this month, Hon! So DITA brings you the Food-related Fright-flick; 'DRIVE-THRU!' Just in time for the November-'RETURN' of the Fast-Food Sand-witch w/the bizarre 'CULT-Following'......................................................................the 'McRIB!'
Yes Dear, I Said 'Cult'-Following! Hmmmmmm? Don't believe me........then take a look at this, hon, simply by Clicking here; http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_j1UtslEWy8
Uh, and here for a weird 'Mc Rib' Love-Story; http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cyi4x0wwmsk and Click here to see if your 'Addick-ted-2-The McRib' like DITA; http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xSiymcr4uAw
Also the 'McRIB' wuz of course once a 'Guest-Star' on the Hit Cult-TV Show; 'THE SIMPSON'S with 'HOMER' as it's 'Co-Star', of course. Too see that as well, Click here; ( Only found in Espanol, kids.); https://youtu.be/dONWOKCW-Es
Last butt not least the New Ad for the 'McRib' 2021, Click here mi amigos > https://youtu.be/3najRW-0z-8
Just kidding, my little rotted Turkey-legs! Now if only McDONALDS could come up with a McTurkey Burger! I know, right?
So it is with much fun that DITA ('I'm Lovin' It') DIRT NAP brings you the 'guilty-pleasure' Horror-Flick to coincide w/this Tasty, B-B-Q covered delight that DITA could used during my 'cravings' last year during the 'lock-down' called; 'DRIVE THRU!!!' To see the Horrifically-fun, tasty Trailer w/pickles and onions that also won the '2008 Trashiest TRAILER Award @ the 'Golden Trailer Awards' simply Click here; http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h4iIC10-UjM 'DITA's lovin' it!'
This fun/guilty-pleasure fright Flick starts out with some annoying teens w/'Identity-Crisis' going to a Fast-Food 'drive-thru' restaurant called; 'HELLA-BURGER' to order some 'pork' sandwitches. They keep hearing nasty-lewd responses back from the Clown Drive-Thru Speaker. One of the hoodlums, um, I mean Teenagers, gets mad and breaks into the fast-food joint with a baseball-'bat' in hand ready to clobber the said Foul-mouthed Employee. Instead he meets a Killer-Clown with an AXE to grind...........uh, right in his head! 'F.Y.I.' children, his name is; 'HORNY; THE CLOWN!'
One of the Tag-Line's Reads; 'FAST FOOD KILLS!” Hmmmmmm? Reminds DITA of an old Episode of 'BUFFY, THE VAMPIRE SLAYER' (Now Streaming on HULU! No foolin'!) The Season where BUFFY wuz forced to take a job in a 'Killer Fast-Food Joint'. Too see 'BUFFY' working the Drive-Thru.....Click here; ( F.Y.I.- It's the 3rd CLIP, for 'Buffy' working in Fast-Food....)http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yEWyZTs3V3o )
One of DITA-Favorite Episodes by-the-way, Dear! Any-who, this Movie includes various 'nods' to other Horror-Films such as; 'HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME', 'CARRIE', 'CHILD'S PLAY', 'BLOODY NEW YEAR', 'IT', and more.
After the first Killing, witch wuz 'French-fried' Hood-lum Face', the Lead Character named; Macenzie decides to get out the old 'OUIJA'-Board with her friends to try and contact someone or.........something. Well, guess who it pulls up, my little 'Spider-Bites?' You guessed it, the 'Killer-Clown' from 'HELLA-BURGER!' Once they get tired of the Ouija Board, it starts to spell out a Clue to Macenzie of which of her friends will be the Killer-Clown's next victim by spelling out a license plate of the car her set of friends are murdered in.
The Next Clue is given in her 'Magic-8-Ball' of her 'BFF'. This friend gets it the worst. How you may ask? 'DEATH BY HEAD IN MICROWAVE ON HIGH' while poor Macenzie helplessly watches, then gets chased down by the Killer-Clown, giving out some good horror-movie screamin' in the process! Although she manages to get away to scream another day. She also loses her camera before this event, gets it back to only find out that the Murderous Clown has photographed his victims/her friends just before the moment they die. What a sick bastard!
Reminds me of the quote on the back of this DVD Box that says; 'At HELLA-BURGER, it won't be the food that kills you...but you'll wish it had!' Hmmmm?
'KILLER-FOOD', now that hasn't been done yet in a film! The crazy Drive-Thru Clown Speaker-head continues his carnage next by leaving a message on her 'etch-a-sketch' that cryptically reads; 'I LOVE BUSH'. Did DITA mention that Leighton sings in a band in this movie and gives 'it' up to her boyfriend , cuz with all the killings going on …..she doesn't want to die a virgin?
Any-hoo , while working at the School Carnival's FUN HOUSE, dressed as ELVIRA, no less as an Acquaintance of hers Enters the ride wearing an 'I LOVE BUSH' T-Shirt, tight by the way. As you can guess, she & her boyfriend get hacked inside while on the ride (Insert Tobe Hooper's Movie; 'FUN HOUSE' reference here kids.) by u know who. Macenzie starts to see a pattern forming of the victims who are being whacked. The bumbling Detectives assigned to the case, don't even make that connection, babe.
By the way, DITA loves the faux-commercials shown in this film for 'HELLA-BURGER' witch are very sexually suggestive! Watch for them, when viewing this fun, Culty Movie, my little 'Condiments of Terror'.
Back to Macenzie's theory-connection...............Macenzie notices the Parents of the victims were all friends back in their 'School-Daze' ( An obscure SPIKE LEE Film reference for yoots.) ,especially her own Mother. Hmmmmm? She eventually confronts her own Mother and forces her to spill her guts about how they knew each other (the parents) back in the day.
Well it turns out that there wuz a nerdy, socially inept guy in school, they all knew who's Dad owned a certain Burger-Joint and on his Birthday they all decide to pull a prank on him witch led to restaurant
catching on fire and , and..............well as you well know by now, DITA never likes to tell the full story. DITA will say that a certain character in the film has a 18TH B-Day coming up soon and that pay back is a B-I-T-C-H!
Now for the last clue about how wuz going to get their come-uppance next, 'HORNY', uses a gumball prize with a little toy clown-head in it with a message inside just saying; SEE YOU AT 4;20. Now this scene DITA just loves cuz it has Morgan Spurlock from; 'SUPERSIZE ME' in it as the Fast-Food Manager trying to serve a 'Goth-girl' just before her friends, a skater-boarders group called, what else......'4;20' ravaging/water-sporting the ball cage room while she orders from Morgan, just moments before 'Krusty, umm, I mean 'Horny'-The Clown makes his final kill. It's better to show you, than to tell you the details, So just Click here to see DITA's Favorite scene of comedy/murderous mayhem; http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3t7_KWqwjKg
Now DITA will stop right here so not to reveal too much, but will now give you the 'EXTRA'S' on this Two Parts Horror, Two Parts Comedy Flick as follows;
+English & Spanish Subtitles
+ English Closed Captions
+'After Dark Horror-Fest TRAILERS witch include; 'THE SHADOW WALKERS', 'CURSE OF THE ZODIAC', 'DIARY OF A CANNIBAL', 'BENEATH STILL WATERS', 'TV's; 'THE LOST ROOM' (From; 'SYFY'-Channel) (Check out www.fearnet.com FOR MORE INFO!)
DITA loved this Cult-Horror guilty pleasure and gives it 3 Skulls Out Of 3. A Perfect Score. Get yours tonite and dig the ultra-cool 'Gothy-Soundtrack' as well, by Clicking on the 'DVD-Icon' of 'DRIVE THRU' next to Dear Old' DITA's Review now and also it's streaming on 'Shudder' too! This movie has the right blend of Horror Movie nods, good storyline, pacing and humor to past the Mustard w/this 'Ghoul-Gal!'
DITA has also taken the liberty of Super-sizing my Review with these hysterical
'You-Tube' Links that are all 'DRIVE THRU/FAST FOOD-Related'. First we have a
'MAD TV' Clip w/the infamous Miss Swan trying to Order at a Drive-Thru;
Then Comedian STEPHANIE HODGE's Comedy-Bit about ordering at 'McDONALD's like MARILYN MONROE; ( Her Marilyn At McDonalds Bit' starts at the 3;14 Mark,)- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o2qOwo-UIbs
Now DAVID LETTERMAN at the 'DRIVE-THRU'....very Funny-Stuff, hon> https://youtu.be/fEn8QdI8-24
Last butt not least the Classy-Dudes; 'BEAVIS AND BUTT HEAD' at a 'Drive-Thru'; https://youtu.be/OQUaguZawJQ
Until Next Week,
I Blow You Vaccinated with a Booster-Shot 'CHAINSAW-KISSES',
DITA ('EAT IT') DIRT NAP
(To see that Fun-Song, Sung by WEIRD AL YANKOVICH called just that; 'EAT IT' ,simply Click here, Babe> https://youtu.be/bqZVihpOACE )
p.s. E-MAIL for DITA; DDN1965@LIVE.COM
p.p.s My Producer/Creator; Darell wants you to know about the great, caring Services these 'Ronald McDonald houses provide to Family's going the difficult disease of Cancer with a loved one and learn about 'CAMP RONALD McDONALD' as well as how to become a Volunteer> www.mcdonalds.org/RonaldMcDonaldHouse
As usual web-surf these sites approved by your 'Better Bone-Bitch Council';
www.electricduskdrivein.com (L.A., CA.)
www.thenewbev.com (For New Beverly Grindhouse Film Listings and more!)
www.shockcinemamagazine.com (DITA Like-y!)
www.shoutfactory.com (Elvira & Pee Herman Show on DVD and 'MSTK', Roger Corman DVD's and lots, lots more great stuff!!)
www.radiohalloween.com (Year Round Halloween Music and More, Hon!)
www.facebook.com/DJDugGraves (Tune in Every Friday Night to 'DUG GRAVES HORROR-RADIO SHOW!)
‘HALLOWEEN 2’ (1981)
Starring; Jamie Lee Curtis, Donald Pleasence, Charles Cyphers, etc.
Directed By; Rick Rosenthal
Produced By; John Carpenter & Debra Hill
Written By; John Carpenter & Debra Hill
Moustapha Akkad Presents; A Dino De Laurentiis Corp. Film
A Universal Release
1981 DVD Run Time; 1 Hr. 33 Min. & Streaming on Amazon Prime & Airing on 'AMC' & AMC Plus.
Welcome, my little ‘Infected Spider-Bites!' Welcome once again
here in ‘DITA’s DEN’ & my ‘HORROR/CULT DRIVE-IN!’ Come celebrate the scary-iest
Night of the year at my ‘Drive-In’ where tonight’s October feature will be the
excellent original ‘HALLOWEEN 2’ w/DITA-Fave; Jamie Lee Curtis (a fellow Scorpio
like myself.). As the cars make their way in please draw your attention to the
Screen for a retro Drive-In Halloween Trailer, called ‘GHOST A-GO-GO’, uh, by
clicking here hon >
Now back to tonight’s special holiday edition of ‘HALLOWEEN 2’. Once again DITA wants to draw your attention back to my ‘drive-in’ screen as you take a look at the 1981 Trailer for ‘HALLOWEEN 2’! DITA guarantees it’s a SCREAM!!!’ (Click here, to see it now> https://youtu.be/vzOdUKVD8Ac ) L-o-v-e it, still after all these years, kids!
DITA decided to Review ;'HALLOWEEN 2' since the NEW Installment;
'HALLOWEEN KILLS' takes place a lot at the hospital too. BTW; You can read my
promised 'Mini-Review of; 'HALLOWEEN KILLS' here and in my other Review of;
'NIGHT OF THE DEMONS', kids of witch ;'HALLOWEEN KILLS' did not fare well in
Dear Old DITA's humble opinion as follows;
'HALLOWEEN KILLS' is Now Playing in theaters, Hon as DITA will give a 'Mini-Review' as promised give a brief Review of the Latest Installment as mentioned is in Theaters NOW and Streaming on 'PARAMOUNT PLUS!' 'HALLOWEEN KILLS' can easily be summed up by this 'ghoul-gal by simply saying; 'PEE-YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!' DITA watched it in a sold-out theater w/'Vamp-Hubby'; B.J.' and he thought the same as Wife-y! YUCK! Worst part of this 'dog-doo' of a Film is that the last one; 'HALLOWEEN-2018' was 'fang-tastic' and perfect like a well-choreographed 'horror-ballet' on celluloid! 'HALLOWEEN KILLS' is simply bad and an obvious 'money-grab', sadly for our Lovely, talented JAMIE LEE! Just plain crap and the worst part is they keep having the cast shout; 'EVIL DIES TONIGHT!' DITA can tell you the Only thing that died was this Bad Flick!!! DITA Really hopes the next installment coming in October of 2022 entitled; 'HALLOWEEN ENDS' will have a lot More thought-out effort put into for fuck's sake!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
P-l-e-a-s-e for the love of JAMIE LEE CURTIS!
Attention; JAMIE LEE CURTIS; When we gonna get a Culty Sequel to ur fun holiday flick; 'CHRISTMAS WITH THE CRANKS'. DITA needs a Part 2,por favor! DITA btw gives ;'HALLOWEEN KILLS' A Score of 1/2 a Skull Out of a 3 Skulls Score! B-A-D Movie, Hon!)
Any-Boo, back to DITA's Review of 'HALLOWEEN 2!' This still fun
Halloween horror flick holds up well due to the storyline continuing right where
it left off on the same night. Yes, in ‘Halloween 2’, it’s still the same night.
The combination of camp, storyline and well shot ‘Michael Myers P.OV. Shots,'
killings and creepy, darkly lit hospital setting keep this film enjoyable even
in 2021 witch Marks the 40th Anniversary of this great film! DITA wuz lucky
enough to get to see this film again for this very Review on the big-screen
again at the ‘Grindhouse Film Festival’ @ the ‘New Beverly Cinema’ here in L.A.
Too see this old film on the big-screen with today’s audience wuz pure fun and
excitement , complete w/audience participation and more fun than ‘Charlie
Brown’s old Halloween Party back in the mid-60’s!!! To see DITA’s favorite clip
from good ole’ Charlie Brown, simply click here;
Now as for the Storyline continue-ment of that same night, if you will;
It takes place with the character of Lorrie Strode played well again by Actress; JAMIE LEE CURTIS going to the Haddonfield Hospital where all kinds horrible Halloween terror and murdering mayhem quickly takes place, uh, as soon as ‘you-know-who’ gets there! First Lorrie is of course left alone soon in a dimly-lit creepy hospital room. Then the ‘Head-Nurse tells the late night nurse that the phones aren’t working and to run and tell someone. Lorrie clad now only in a skimpy hospital gown is alarmed cuz she knows what’s next? One hysterical scene with Dr. Loomis at the beginning of the film, played brilliantly and quite campy once again by Actor Donald Pleasence, where he kept overdramatically telling people that he shot good ole’ Mike, 6 times, 6 times!!! Fun stuff for a theatre full of people, like in my case, at the film fest. The Producers even brought back one of Lorrie’s friends back to play her own dead body being taken out of the infamous ‘Myers House’ as she wuz killed in the first film DITA Reviewed before and briefly in my 'LOST-HALLOWEEN PILOT' Now Airing on 'WE-HO TV' Channel 36 on Spectrum Cable, and in a car no less. Hmmm?
Any-who, DITA wood like to say how effective the beginning scenes of ‘Halloween 2’ are with Michael Myers walking/creeping around thru dark alleys surveying future victims and peeping in windows while people are watching and listening to news about the killings earlier in the night from the last film, all the while Michael is right there listening watching and even standing in someone's kitchen as the couple watch the late-breaking warning about Mike’s killings and takes their knife from where the wife wuz seconds ago making a sandwich a leaves quickly to the future bubble-headed victim next door. The old lady screams as she notices the knife is stolen leaving blood behind on the counter next to her sandwich. The next door 'bubble-headed' bimbo walks outside to ask if the old lady’s alright. She then goes inside and answers the phone, all while Mike is watching her thru the window to……to……….’KILL’ her! She even turns on the radio to hear about Michael Myers being loose in her neighborhood and then drops the phone to investigate a noise, and Mike comes out from the shadows to attack, uh, violently, all with her friend still hanging on the phone listening to the heinous act being committed!
See my point kids, Michael is everywhere in this movie,
literally lurking around his potential victims. DITA simply loves that sense of
foreboding atmosphere, that he could be around every corner. Love the use
of Hospital Monitors by this Director to show Mike’s where abouts when lurking
and stalking his victims, including an injured Lorrie Strode limping, crawling
and pulling herself around in most scenes. This includes barely escaping thru a
small open window as brother Mike is slashing at her feet as she barely gets
away by falling to a trash pile outside. Love it, love love it! Now instead of
telling you the whole story, DITA as usual will name some choice killing scenes
to look for next ‘BUTT’ not all hon.
‘DITA's THINGS-2-LOOK-4 List' Includes;
‘Mike by opening helium tanks and ‘Either’, as he swings away blindly. Uh did I also mention Lorrie seconds before that shot him in the eyes, complete with oozy-goozy blood dripping from his William Shatner mask??? (DITA can't believe he went into space at 90 years old this year in 2021.)
* Murder Scene w/couple in hot-tub ‘nekkid’. Girl gets it the worst from Mike by dipping her face over and over into the now scalding hot water until her skin starts to melt off.
* Love the scene where Lorrie is waiting for hospital elevator bathed in beautiful, seasonal orange light! Very effective and appropriate thinks DITA!
* End Fire scene with………….???
* Scene with Dr. Loomis driving around the neighborhood looking for Mike with the Police. This scene has ‘not-meant-to-be funny’ dialogue by the good Dr. and has great eerie green lighting coming from underneath the police cars dash. DITA like-y!!! Lorrie is finally saved again by Dr. Loomis and carted off once again in yet another ambulance.
Hmmmmm? (When will she be back, DITA wonders?)
As for the ‘EXTRA’S’ on this disc from Universal; they are as follows;
+ Theatrical Trailer ( Love it! From start to finish!!!)
+ Production Notes ( Did you know DITA just learned from these notes the infamous Meyers house wuz right here in my neck of the Woods; WEST HOLLYWOOD! Hmmm???)
+ Cast & Filmmakers. ( Excellent job in this Sequel Miss Curtis!!! ‘KUDOS!!!’ The tag line reads; ‘MORE OF THE NIGHT HE CAME HOME!’
I, DITA DIRT NAP gives this fun horror filled fright flick 3 Skulls Out Of 3 Skulls over the ‘witchboard’!!! DITA also highly urges you to click on the ‘DVD-Icon’ of the original ‘HALLOWEEN 2’ to get your own Copy to add to your collection tonight.
Until Next Week,
‘VACCINATED WITH A BOOSTER SHOT CHAINSAW-KISSES’ and ‘M & M’s Breath,
DITA ( ‘SWEET ELVIRA’-wanna be) DIRT NAP
(To see ELVIRA’s Video from 1997 Performing; ‘SWEET ELVIRA’
Inspired By-‘Rocky Horror’
P.S. Don't forget about getting your very own Copy of ELVIRA'S NEW Book; 'ELVIRA; YOURS CRUELLY By Clicking on her 'BOOK-Icon' here my little blood-bags.
Scare-mail always appreciated @
Now as the lights come on at the ‘Horror/Cult Drive-In’, please remove your speakers from your vehicle and back out s-l-o-w-l-y! Last but not least a 'jack-o-lantern' full of special Halloween; Enjoy kids;
www.lempmansion.com ( Located in my old hometown of ST.LOUIS, MO,Hon!)
www.marthastewart.com (Stream her NEW Halloween Special w/Snoop Dogg streaming now on 'PEACOCK!')
www.mymoviemonsters.com ("Scary Monsters Magazine.com)
www.spookyworld.com ( Halloween Theme Park)
www.13thTrack.com (Year-round Halloween Music site! DITA LIKE-Y!)
www.shoutfactory.com (DITA says; Great DVD Selections!)
www.somethingweird.com (Great CULT-DVDs! )
www.elvira.com (Check out the Queen Of Halloweens NEW Halloween-Merch and More on what she's doing tomorrow night!)
Extra DITA-Fave Halloween Clips from ‘youtube’;
https://youtu.be/-NB-Xn-8zrk ( Beavis & Butthead Halloween Special part 1)
https://youtu.be/PVqnfKlyQpI(‘Halloween 2’ new Video Mash-Up Very funny!!! Love it!)
https://youtu.be/SPoPiyTe-gY ( Halloween Tree Music Video)
https://youtu.be/TU70z8hlQE8 (Betty Boops Halloween Party; Colorized)
https://youtu.be/-YNBSjn3kLo (Rare Vincent Price Halloween Special Clip/Behind The Scenes.)
https://youtu.be/Gyhq4jnz_do ( Disney’s ‘Lonesome Ghosts’)
https://youtu.be/ge0RE8IUtXc ( I Got A ****ing Rock Clip) ( ‘The Hanging 2021’ @ Knotts Scary Farm!’ DITA’s Favorite place for all things Halloween in October.>
P.S. DITA wants you to know the 'HALLOWEEN 2' Movie-Poster is available on Amazon. COM
by simply Clicking the 'POSTER-Icon', next to my Review!
P.P.S. Also theirs a great new Horror Book available that even Dead-icates a whole Chapter to JOHN CARPENTER'S; HALLOWEEN-Film called; 'REEL-TERROR' By; DAVID KONOW. The Chapter is called; 'THE NIGHT HE CAME HOME'. The Book even calls; JOHN CARPENTER's; 'HALLOWEEN', the 'PULP FICTION' of Independent-Cinema!' To get your Copy of this Cool New Book, just Click on the 'BOOK-Icon' also next to Dear old DITA's Review, Dear here.
This Review is in Honor of the Producer of 'HALLOWEEN 2', The Late; DEBRA HILL!
© D. Dyszel 2021
Dick Dyszel - Voice Actor