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‘TALES FROM THE CRYPT’ (British-Version)
‘An AMICUS Production ’Starring; JOAN COLLINS & PETER CUSHING,
RALPH RICHARDSON as the Crypt-Keeper, etc.
Season-Greetings my Little Candy-cane flavored Spider-Bites! Tis
I , your Horror-Holiday Mistress Of Terror, DITA CLAWS aka DITA DIRT NAP! This
time I bring you; ’TALES FROM THE CRYPT’ from 1972. A British-version of our
American TV-Series; ’TALES FROM THE CRYPT’ ,as well as the Comic. DITA suggests
looking at the Culty-holiday cool Trailer for the Film by Clicking here, Dear>
DAME-JOAN COLLINS plays an evil Trophy-Wife who on Christmas-Eve decides to do-away w/her Husband. First DITA must say, I hadn’t seen this Cult-Horror-Holiday Gem for about 5 years until this week when my good friend, who only lives a hop-,skip and a jump away from dear old DITA here in West Hollyweird, the ‘MAD DOCTOR D.’ ,had me over for a holiday-viewing get-together as we have done many times before. We watched this flick w/anticipation and popcorn as well as ‘sweet-tea’ w/vulture-juice, and the faint-smell of our forever-friend; Mary-Jane in the air. Lol.
Back the Film, first Joan/Trophy-Wife bashes poor unsuspecting Hubby over the with a fire-place poker, all while her radio spews out Christmas Music, and her small daughter upstairs ,tucked in bed while visions of Sugar-Plumbs danced in her head. (Keep that little fact in mind, Kids, as it is a clue near the end.) In fact this part was recently recreated recently this year on the TV show Joan was on this year called; AMERICAN HORROR STORY; APOCALYPSE, and re-titled in that show; 'A CHRISTMAS TO DISMEMBER', with Joan being chased once again by a Psycho-Santa but with a chainsaw this time. In that TV show the Santa starts having a cough-attack while trying to dismember Joan. She then calls out; 'C-U-T! Then states; 'Can someone get Santa a cough-drop! LOL!
DITA wants back up a little bit as I forgot to mention that this story is just one of four stories that are told in various ‘vin-yettes’ in this culty-classic flick. In fact, the film opens w/Joan and other people taking what looks like a tour of ancient Catacombs with a Hooded Tour-Guide, that begins to detour them while on this alleged tour. He starts w/DIVA Joan’s story first, then slowly thru-out the course of the film, tells each guests story of ill-gotten gain/behavior before coming of this faux-tour, my little ‘red & green’, blood-bags!
That being said/explained, we now pick up where DITA left off
w/Joan then hearing an important radio-bulletin announcing that a insane-asylum
resident has recently escaped in her area and is disguised in a stolen
Santa-Suit and is considered armed and dangerous. The Radio also instructs
nearby residents to lock their doors and windows . As Joan is starting to start
clean-up on dead-hubby lying lifeless on their living-room shag-carpet and
totally 70’s décor home, she hears a loud knock at her door and then someone
harshly shaking her door-knob and locks. She looks outside her window and sees
the afore-mentioned ‘sigh-koe’ Santa peering in her window as well as lunging at
her w/his hands coming thru her open windows. YIKES! DITA screams; ‘Call the Po-po,
Joan!’ Oh right, she can’t as she still has her dead-hubby’s body lying lifeless
on her floor right out in the open. She quickly locks all the doors and windows
and shutters, then proceeds to clean up her murder-mess, including washing blood
off the fire place poker as well as her hands. She then drags her dead-hubby’s
body to the basement stairs and pushes it down the stairs where it falls in a
heap , face-down on the basement floor. Then the little 'devil-within-minks'
goes back upstairs where she killed him, scoops up some of his blood in a
champagne glass, brings it back downstairs and pours it next to his head-wound
to make it look like a accident of him falling down the stairs and dying that
way. As she finishes this her daughter who is now awake , comes excitedly out of
their foyer w/jingle-bells ringing in her wee hands and announces that SANTA is
…………..??? That Santa is now…….???
As you all know by now, DITA never likes to tell the whole story but to find out where & what ‘SIGH-KOE—Santa did, you can simply Click on the ‘DVD-Icon’, next to DITA’s Review to get your own Copy of; ’TALES FROM THE CRYPT’. Plus DITA thinks the Movie-Poster makes a nice Christmas-Gift for your special ‘horror-lover’ on your Xmas-List, Hon. To get the Culty-cool Poster from this fright-flick, just Click on the ‘Poster-Icon’ next to my review.
Now my little ‘misfit-toys’, that was only one of the 5 tales included in this horror-tale. That one starring; JOAN was called; ’AND ALL THROUGH THE NIGHT’. The next one is called; ’REFLECTION OF DEATH’ and stars; IAN HENDRY. After Joan’s Tale the Crypt-Kreeper played by ; RALPH RICHARDSON turns to Ian’s character on the supposed Catacomb-Tour and recites his tale of Ian having been involved in a horrible Car-Crash w/his wife, where she is blinded in the accident and he goes around scaring the ‘bah-jesus’ outta everyone as he finally figures out, that he is horror ably disfigured from the accident and possibly one of the un-dead left to roam the earth. Hmmm? To make a long story shorter, DITA will now speed-up the pace of the remaining tales, dear.
The next Crypt-Keeper tale is called; ’POETIC-JUSTICE’ and stars the iconic-horror star; ’PETER CUSHING!’ Peter plays a wonderfully kind old man who is living out his senior years as a widower who only wants to live out his golden years in the quaint little house and property he lived in w/his dear departed wife. He now only has his dogs to keep him company as well as refurbishing old toys to give the neighbor-children as well as spending his time w/them making them happy. Long story short, one of his evil mean-spirited neighbors has it in for him and sets out to make quickly lose everything he has that’s left in his life that’s near and ear starting w/his precious dogs. Damn , that man says DITA! Not man’s best-friend. Wow, he really is a evil neighbor. Before the other things can be set into motion, by the despicable neighbor, the old-man/Peter Cushing has been keeping in touch w/his wife on the ‘other-side’ via ‘wee-gee'- board’. She warns him by spelling out;’d-a-n-g-e-r’.
After she spells out the warning to her husband, the negativity-factor is amped way-up by the evil no-soul neighbor towards the kindly old man. Next he makes the poor old guy lose his job. The only bright point is that at least one of his dogs escapes and finds his way back home to the man. Then comes the worst on VALENTINES-DAY, the evil neighbor has towns-people and himself send the poor old man some very hateful negative valentines to him that sadly force the guy to put his own nail in his coffin by bringing about his own death as he figured he had nothing left. Then one year later exactly on Valentines-Day, the old-man/Peter Cushing rises slowly and literally from the grave and pulls himself up and out of his grave and 'walking-dead's' it back to the neighbor's home next his old house where he once lived and comes upon him at his desk and kills him. His friend comes in the next morning and finds the man dead and covered in blood , head-down on his desk with only a bloody valentine note with a gothically-penned poem that ends w/something to the affect of 'ripping your heart out', complete with the man's 'corazon' lying at the end of the poem, as the undead old man had poetically ripped it out. End-scene.
The next tale was called; 'WISH YOU WERE HERE' and stars; RICHARD GREENE. Now DITA will tell you this story is based on the infamous; 'Monkey's-Paw' story about a couple getting 3-Wishes after they suddenly finding out they are in financial helter-skelter and have just had to sell all their art-work they have collected from all-around the world which of course includes a statuette the is inscribed, basically saying they get 3-Wishes. Hmmmm.... Also let my stop here a sec to let you know that DITA has loved every 'AMICUS'-Film she has ever viewed as they always have great fascinating horror stories, great casting, great lighting and sets as well as usually start out w/the camera panning across some great gothic-grave yard, complete w/no skimping on garishness and gloom! DITA just loves that. BTW, this film does also start out panning across a cool gothic graveyard, heavy on the garish but great decor final resting-place.
That being said this film has garnered a huge cult-following over the years. Also you will find different DVD-companies that carry it and put it out ,that some have the original uncensored gore and some have the much censored gore as some of them deemed the gore too much. Hmmm, who are they to judge? DITA will take uncensored-gore over censored-gore any day, Hon!!!
Any-who, back to the Crypt-Keeper's story of our next tour-guests of the alleged catacombs again called; 'WISH YOU WERE HERE'. This tale as DITA mentioned before involved a couple with a statuette that grants them 3-Wishes. The first wish is quickly made by the wife for them to have their finances back to normal or even more wealthy than before. No sooner than she makes the wish the phone rings from their banker and tells the husband that they have come back into money again and to quickly drive over and see him about it. He does and of course has an accident in the car not before suffering a heart attack and dies. The wife finds out quickly about it from their banker and he comes over to try and comfort her. Before he can offer comfort she makes the 2nd Wish without thinking it through and horror ensues. Then comes the 3rd and finally wish that DITA will just say involves, never being able to die and more horrific-circumstances that are unimaginable by the common human mind. End-scene.
Now for the final Crypt-Keepers re-telling of the last
tour-guests of the catacombs, if that's what they are, dear??? Hmmm? Anyway, my
little bloody Scrooges, this final tale is called; 'BLIND-ALLEYS' which
stars; NIGEL PATRICK. This tale was the most horrific in DITA and 'MAD DOCTOR D.'s', humble opinion and we thought, very cringe-inducing as well as slowly but a great build-up to the fear-finale, kids. Nigel/New Home For The Blind-Boss, comes in to a men's home for the blind and immediately starts making cruel cuts in the budget for the place like cutting off the heat at night, serving slop for meals w/no meat even. Anyway, the residents lose it in the end when one of their fellow residents gets sick in the middle of the night and the cruel new boss of their home-for-the-blind refuses to get a doctor for him (especially a shame since he could of at least called my good friend 'MAD DOCTOR D.' to the rescue as he would have made an exception and made a late-nite 'house-call, babe. I mean, really?).
After the poor-guy dies the residents take over the home/now
asylum and apprehend the new evil scrooge-like boss and his faithful protective,
somewhat scary German-Sheppard. First they place food for the dog along the wall
outside his evil-masters office and the lead the vicious dog away into a locked
room and start to starve the 'kay-nine' , meanwhile they lock the evil new boss
in another room, for days while the blind residents build a trap-corridor from
the Evil Bosses locked-room all the way to his......??? W-ha-t? You know DITA as
mentioned many times before never likes to tell the whole story but I will tell
you the evil boss-man has to now make his way thru the newly built corridor the
is narrow and lined with sharp razor-blades along the walls, and that he makes
it thru once, w/'cuts-o-plenty', but has to run for
his life a 2nd time as he suddenly finds a slowly opening door with a very hungry _ _ _ fill-in-the-blank, Hon at the end of the new corridor! End-scene and c-r-i-n-g-e,Hon, c-r-i-n-g-e! Yikes!
Whew , yes, Kids it's finally over as the Crypt-keeper finally reveals why their all on the supposed tour by opening a large wall with long drop into a burning lake of_ _ _ _,fill-in-the-blank, as they are not on a catacomb tour but actually .....but are actually in ........?????? W-h-a-t? DITA wants you to get it for your self and find out the rest of this gothically-great holiday horror tale that entertains thru-out and considered by DITA some of Miss Collins best-work in a long list of horror, cult and sci-fi films in her scary but overtly sexy cache of a filmography! DITA loved this Cult-Horror Gem of a film and gives my perfect score of 3 Skulls Out of 3 Skulls score! L-o-v-e it!
You can also stream this movie for free on Amazon Prime!
Until next week,
DITA ('SILENT NIGHT') DIRT NAP.
(To see the exact Video of 'SILENT-NIGHT', Sung hauntingly by SINNEAD O'CONNER by Clicking> https://youtu.be/eq5FAbdkZg4)
As usual , here are some DITA-Suggested-sites as follows;
www.somethingweird.com (Great Cult DVD's Selection says DITA!)
www.thenewbev.com (Watch for their infamous Xmas Horror Double Feature of; 'SILENT NIGHT, DEADLY NIGHT & 'BLACK CHRISTMAS' (The Original w/Margot Kidder.) This theater just re-opened w/renovations on 12/1/18!)
www.cinefamily.org (The infamous SILENT MOVIE THEATER in Hollyweird, which of course now shows talkies, cult & horror films and classic comedies as well! DITA likey!)
www.radiohalloween.com (DITA will be on hopefully b4 Christmas!)
www.joancollins.net Official site of Dame Joan Collins
www.facebook.com/DJDugGraves (Listen every Friday Night to DUG GRAVES HORROR RADIO SHOW, Hon!)
"HOUSE OF FRANKENSTEIN"
Based on a story by Curt Siodmak
Directed by Erle C. Kenton
Produced by Paul Malvern
Starring Boris Karloff, Lon Chaney, Glenn Strange as Frankenstein, and John Carradine as Dracula, etc.
Greetings my little "Spider-bites" tis I your Horror/Cult cyber babe, DITA DIRT NAP!!! This week Dita continues her Frankenstein double feature with the second bill of “House of Frankenstein” here at Dita’s 'Horror/ Cult Drive In'.
So dim your head lights, I’ll dim mine and let’s take a look at the trailer on the Drive- in screen by clicking here: https://youtu.be/6Wp50RXhyRo
Hope you liked that cool, vintage, theatrical trailer. This movie continues where “Frankenstein Meets the Wolfman” left off. It picks up with the Mad Scientist and the Hunchback from the “Hunchback of Notre Dame.” After breaking out of jail they hi-jack Lampini’s Traveling Circus of Horrors with a young gypsy girl in tow. They travel to the ruins of Frankenstein’s castle where they discover Frankenstein and the Wolfman encased in ice. They de-ice the old boys to find Dr. Frankenstein’s book of “Life and Death.” Here’s where it gets complicated kids. Consider this next part like a quilt of horrors sewn together from various horror movies. Let’s see. This story includes “Dracula”, “Hunchback of Notre Dame” (including a faux Esmerelda), and “The Wolfman.” These stories are stitched together somewhat like a witches caldron of cinema.
The storyline is somewhat confusing with all these movies thrown
into one but always entertaining. Remember earlier Dita said this gets
complicated? So Dita will put it in a quick outline:
A. The Hunchback is in love with the Esmerelda like character and wants his brain transplanted into the Wolfman’s body so he can woo her.
B. The Mad Scientist wants the Wolfman’s brain to be transplanted into his accusser’s brain for punishment (so he can lift the curse of the Wolfman).
C. he Mad Scientist also wants Frankenstein’s brain in the Wolfman’s body (as Frankenstein’s tissue is badly deteriorated.)
D. Etc, etc, etc, yikes!!!
By the way, did DITA tell you that DRACULA’s bones where used in the traveling circus? However, a knife stuck in his heart is removed and thus bringing him back to life. However, however he doesn’t make it back in his coffin before sunrise. NUFF SAID!!! 'What a lovely way to burn'.... another Madonna song reference ('FEVER') for my gay brethren!!!
As you know DITA never likes to tell the full story………or the ending.
So here is my infamous “Things-2-Look-4-List”:
v Faux Esmerelda character falling in love with Wolfman. Then deciding to shoot him with a silver bullet out of love (giving him his wish and ending his miserable curse). NOTE: to do this she lets him attack her and dies in his arms. (Atta-girl!!!)
v Scene where Dracula comes back to life in his coffin at the side show.
v Frankenstein battling the Hunchback and throwing him out the window to his death (because he tried to………..???) WHAT? I “SAID”, I never tell the end of the story!!!
Dita thinks this movie is filled with cool, gothic atmosphere such as lots of fog, cool sets, your typical torch toting villagers and enough story lines to choke a whore, uh, I, mean a horse!!! “TEE-HEE!!!” And just to show you what a tease Mizz Dirt Nap can be here’s a hint for the ending: I’ll just say, it involves Frankenstein, torches and quicksand!!! 'TEASE!!! “RU-U-U-U-U-DE!!!”
I DITA DIRT NAP, give this movie 2 ½ Skulls out of 3. To get your Copy of this Cult-Classic from; UNIVERSAL, Simply Click on the 'DVD-Icon' of it to the Left of Dear Old' DITA's Review, Babe!
You can also stream it on Amazon!
Please replace your drive in speakers and back out
s-l-o-w-l-y!!! Thanks for your patronage here at Dita’s Horror/Cult Drive- In!!!
See Vintage Drive-In Cip here>
Till next week “Chainsaw-Kisses” and much Frankenstein love,
DITA ('HAUNTED HOUSE OF ROCK') DIRT NAP
(Click here to see one of DITA's Favorite 'Old-School' Rap Groups, perform exactly that Fun/Culty Song; ''HAUNTED HOUSE OF ROCK' By; 'WHODINI > http://youtu.be/gjG69bDrG7E )
Scare-Mail to; DDN1965@live.com
P.S. DITA wants u 2 know that the Movie-Poster for; HOUSE OF FRANKENSTEIN', can be yours simply by Clicking on the 'Poster-Icon' of it tonite!
(post scare) Please check out the following important Dita-Fav' Websites:
www.shoutfactory.com (DITA Like-y!)
www.somethingweird.com (Best in CULT DVD's! Says DITA!!!)
www.thenewbev.com (DITA & RENFIELD's Favorite Retro-Movie Hang-Out!)
www.cinefamily.org (Infamous Silent Movie Theater in Hollyweird, CA. Now Showing Horror & Cult Talkies!)
www.vinelanddriveintheater.com (In L.A., CA.)
www.facebook.com/DJDugGraves (Listen to Dug Graves Horror-Radio Show Every Friday Night, Hon!)
'FRANKENSTEIN MEETS THE WOLFMAN'
'Universal Studios'/Universal Pictures
Directed By; Roy William Neill
Produced By; George Waggner
Original Screen Play By; Curt Siodmak
Starring; Bela Lugosi as The Monster?, Lon Chaney
as the Wolfman, Maria Ouspenskaya as The Gypsy,
Lionel Atwill, Dennis Hoey, Ilona Massey & Patric Knowles.
Run Time; 145 Minutes
'House Of Frankenstein'
Starring; Glenn Strange- As The Monster, etc.
Note; This 2nd Feature Will Be Reviewed
Next Week By; DITA!
Tis I, your 'Madonna Of The Undead Set' back again and this time I brought my half-rotted 'Chi-chi, boe-pose' with me as a part of my 'DITA DIRT NAP's; 'DD's-'DOUBLE Features'! Starting this Weekend with 'FRANKENSTEIN MEETS THE WOLFMAN' with Bela Lugosi as 'FRANKIE' & Lon Chaney as Then next Weekend, 'HOUSE OF FRANKENSTEIN' with Glenn Strange as Frank'! So stayed tuned for terror, here in 'DITA'S DEN'!
'Derek, The Vamperic-Announcer' Interrupts; Uh, exactly when are 'Frankie' & 'Wolfie' going to 'MEET'......? As it were.
DITA responds; Oh, uh, ooops, right now! In fact, my Dear Derek, you and everyone else can take a look at the very, cool vintage-Theatrical TRAILER' Of;' FRANKENSTEIN MEETS THE WOLMAN' by Clicking here; www.youtube.com/watch?v=L1JBkJ9o78k
Now, this film starts out in a cool, dark, creepy, Grave Yard with 2 Seedy 'Grave-robbers', but not 'From Outer space (Dita snuck in a quick 'Ed Wood' reference for ya.) These two greedy bastards break into the Wolfman's Family Crypt and try to steal his watch, ring and money that wuz buried on him. They break open his coffin and find him buried with 'wolf's-bane', complete with a 'full moon' rising, as one snatches his gold ring, the full-moon reaches his face, his hand reaches out for the 'grave-robber' as his 'so-called friend high-tails it outta there without so much as a 'Later, Dude!' His buddy screams; 'Don't leave me..........and, uh, he does and gets bitten by the 'alive again/turned again' Wolfman! End-Scene!
Now let DITA tell you that in this silly/fun Sequel that 'Original Gangs' all here! Which is a good thing in my mind. That includes the Gypsy Lady played by the Under-used Maria Ouspenskaya, Lon Chaney as The Wolfman, etc. Only this time they used Bela Lugosi to play a blind, stumbling, non speaking Frankenstein! Hmmmmmm, maybe it was his heavy, Hungary-ian accent, that made them have the final cut of the film without Lugosi's character of 'The Monster' speaking, ah, just growling. More on that little fact coming up later in DITA's Review, as I have done some 'fact-digging' of my very own, my 'Little Infected Spider-Bites', no foolin'!!! Any-who, the Wolfman is captured as Larry Talbot and placed in an Insane Asylum, where later he bites thru a 'STRAIT-JACKET' designed not by William Castle 'NOR' Joan Crawford! 'TEE-HEE!' 'WHAT???' I'm just sayin'.
To make a long story somewhat shorter, the Wolfman tracks down the old Gypsy from the Original 'WOLFMAN' Film/Storyline and begs for her help to help him find peace in final, permanent death. She reveals to him she can't says she'll protect him and take him on a journey to find Dr. Frankenstein or at least his 'Lab-Journal'. That's where Dr. Frankenstein's Daughter comes in when the 'wolfman' discovers the ruins by accident of 'Frankenstein's Castle', discovers the water from the damn that broke last time had frozen 'Frankenstein's Monster' in a solid block of ice. Larry/wolfman of course digs him out, asks him where the Dr.'s Lab-Journal is, and the Monster shows him the safe with a empty hull. Frankenstein's Daughter played well by Actress; Ilona Massey is tricked into town by the Wolfman/Larry Talbot and after a trip to the 'Town/Celebration/Karaoke Beer Fest', where Larry loses it, she finally shows him where her Father's 'Lab-Journel' is cleverly hidden (ya gotta watch the film to find out where, kids.) and then DITA will just say someone in the film gets 'power-hungry' during the climatic 'double-surge' Transference Scene, when in turn brings on the 'Battle-Royal' between Frankenstein & The Wolfman! Which in DITA's Humble Opinion is too short for my taste, although advances the Storyline to the Ending stage. DITA won't tell you the Ending ,my little 'Coffin-Creepers 'BUT' I will say that if the Ending of this creepy classic Monster-Bash Fright Flick were made into tasty mixed drink, DITA would call it a 'FRANKIE' & 'WOLFIE' on the rocks with a future 'twist' of lime, uh, um, I mean a future 'twist' of 'Abbott & Costello' with 5 Straws!!!!! For what you may ask? For the next Installment Cast, silly!!
DITA loved this film 'but' did think as some that Lugosi was miscast as 'The Monster' and wasn't given much to do, his age at the time of filming, perhaps? I don't know. Now kids, this time instead of my 'Things 2 Look 4 List', DITA will give you just 1 Item/Scene not 2 look 4 or just 'skip' all-together, in fact if you want, you can just do what I did and just press the 'FF' button on your DVD Remote;
* Scene during 'Town-Celebration/Karaoke Beer-Fest' where people start singing horribably at naseaum, which DITA thinks could have been left on the 'Cutting-Room Floor', it's 'NOT' needed and hurts my 'ear-holes'! What, they couldn't have shot a 'silver-bullet' thru the Lead Singer, instead? 'Meeeeeeeeowch!!!'
Still creepy/classic viewing fun for all thinks Dita!!! I, DITA DIRT NAP give this film 2 and a half, almost a 3 Skulls Score, hon! Now for the 'Extras' on this Monster-Throw Down disc, which are as follows;
+ Cool Monster-rific Theatrical Trailer. (Watch it again, by
clicking on the Link provided earlier.)
+ 7 (Short) Pages Anecdotes On The Making Of The Film.
+ Bio's & Filmographies (Nice Touch!)
So as usual DITA suggest Clicking on the 'DVD-Icon' of the 'ultra-cool' 'FRANKENSTEIN MEETS THE WOLFMAN', Uh, tonight, my little 'GROOVY-GHOULIES'!!!
Or, You can also stream it on Amazon!
Earlier DITA mentioned the Fact that Lugosi's Frankenstein
Monster wasn't able to Speak full sentences, well if you want the 'full behind
the scenes Story about that little tidbit and more on the Film with 'DITA-Fave',
BELA LUGOSI, just check out the cool,
Information-riddled Articles about the Film in DITA's Favorite Horror Mag;
'SCARY MONSTERS MAGAZINE' Issue # 69!
Until Next Week,
DITA ('Monster-Squad' DIRT NAP (Click here to see that Culty-Cool Trailer for this 'DITA-Fave' Film> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TeZs0B0mjXY )
As usual, here are some 'DITA-Suggested' sites as follows;
www.facebook.com/DJDugGraves (Tune in Every Friday night for DUG GRAVES Horror-Radio Show, Hon!)
© D. Dyszel 2017
Dick Dyszel - Voice Actor