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Directed by; Charles Band
Produced By David Band
Starring; RHONDA GRIFFIN, etc.
Full Moon Pictures
DVD 1999 and Now Streaming on Amazon Prime & 'Tubi-TV'
Greetings my little January 'Spider-Bites'. Tis I, your 'Horror/Cult Diva, DITA DIRT NAP!
This week I bring you a Review once again from one of my favorite low budget Horror & B-Movie Companies; 'FULL MOON PICTURES' and Starring a Former Guest on our Show; 'Horror/Cult Drive-In', RHONDA GRIFFIN! It's called; 'THE CREEPS!' Rhonda appeared over 21 years ago on my Show.
Any-who, this fun low-budget 'Horror-Comedy' is about a nerdy mad-scientist looking to rule the world against people who done him wrong in his 'so-called science-nerdy life' by stealing the great horror literary works of art monster legends, by bringing the monster subjects of these books to life in the real world. How , you might ask? By stealing the literary works from a certain Marilyn Monroe-ish/Mamie Van Doren-ish Blonde Librarian, then using her as a sacrifice to ..... to make them. Stop! Wait! Wait, Hon!
DITA forgot one important detail, when the mad-nerdy scientist brings them to life, said Blonde Librarian, steals the Books back before the scientific process is finished. Also another big forgotten, 'by-the-way' item missing is that who and what are the classic literary monsters, which are Dracula, The Werewolf, Frankenstein's Monster and The Mummy! Last but not least the final big, uh, I really should say 'small-detail is that because of Rhonda's Librarian character stole the infamous Monster Books back before the afore mentioned process was completed , the monsters are all pint-sized, as in little people versions of the afore mentioned literary monsters. Some twist, huh kids.
Any-Boo, The Book-Thief after stealing Mary Shelly's Frankenstein, has the nerve
to come back again to Lady Rhonda-Librarian now steal Bram Stoker's Dracula.
Not so fast, Mad Nerd Scientist Man-Boy.
You see after Rhonda-Librarian w/brains and looks, notice the Manuscript missing
, she goes to see a Dork-Hunk Detective/Gum-Shoe who works out of a Video Store.
Remember those, Hon?
She then holds the Mad Science Nerd at knife-point, umm, I mean Scissor-point,
and calls the 'Gum-shoe' Hunk Dork and tells him to meet her at the Library and
help her take him back to his lair to retrieve the stolen Mary Shelly
The Mad Scientist/Nerd has other plans after getting very nervous w/Rhonda
Librarian calling him a book thief, tells him he going to jail and even adds
that he may be homosexually gang-raped!
Wait, DITA thinks since when is the last one a bad-thing? LOL!
Anyway, he then pulls out a sort of 'stun-gun' baton, if you will, my little 'Blood-Bags' and uses it on our Smart-Sexy Librarian and it quickly knocks her out. He then takes her to his science-lab lair and ties her up. Too make a long story short, Dear, the Hunky-Dork Detective, who of course by the way is falling for the Beautiful/Smart Librarian, follows the Mad Doc Scientist to his lab when she's not anywhere to be found at the library.
Now in the meantime, the mini-monsters of Dracula, The Werewolf, Frankenstein's Monster and The Mummy are not happy about being uh, shall I say, uh, short-changed, so they tell the Sci-Fi Guy to fix them. He explains that they need the Librarian to be sacrificed. By the way, uh, again DITA left out a small detail, well actually one tall drink of water. The Rhonda/Librarian works for a blonde, tall lesbian boss. As you may have already guessed, the mini-monsters kidnap her boss at first by mistake. They of course try to sacrifice her boss instead and she ends up being pulled back in time and then comes back later as a possible big lady Viking or possibly Joan Of Arc. Boss-Lady by the way, yet again, sorry kids, is seen in an earlier scene rubbing a Jane Eyre (possibly spelled wrong, whoops.) manuscript up and down her bosoms/body while un-buttoning her on blouse, shortly before she is mistakenly captured.
Before DITA goes on, take a look at the Culty-Fun Trailer of; 'THE CREEPS', by Clicking here> https://youtu.be/OOffD7lMHG8
BTW, RHONDA GRIFFIN's Other Film from 'FULL MOON PICTURES' entitled; 'HIDEOUS'
was also Horror-Hosted by the One & Only ELVIRA.
Click here to see ELVIRA's Intro to it, Hon>
So while the Hunk-Dork Detective and Lady Rhonda Librarian have been caught and tied up together to now perform 2 human sacrifices instead of one, plead w/the mini-monsters not to do this. It is then that my friend; Miss Griffin, umm, I mean Librarian Lady gives them a great speech about if they choose to stay on earth, they will die a regular human death eventually, but if the choose to go back, that they will live in forever in literary history. The natural born blood-sucker, uh DITA means natural born leader; Dracula does decide in the end it would be better for all of he and his infamous monster buddies would be better off going back hence-forth from where they came, and says, as they are being zapped back in time/book-history that they will indeed live on not only forever but also forever in their nightmares! Zap!!!!!!!! 'END SCENE!' Uh , kind of.......
They pick up later in this fun flick with Lady-Librarian Rhonda going back to the Video-Store/Detective Agency to finally pay her long due Detective bill, gives the hunk-dork gum-shoe a gift of a book, as he rambles on about movie trivia, she pulls him close and tells him , concentrate on something in real-life and then kisses him! Then 'End-Scene', uh, for real, my little 'hand-sanitizers.' DITA loved this fun/silly flick and suggests you get your hands on your own copy by Clicking the 'DVD-Icon' of it next to my Review, tonight!
DITA will say that this a entertaining little film that I loved watching during 'lock-down' back in 2020 as it is well-paced, great cast, especially my former Guest; RHONDA GRIFFIN who was great in her lead role as the Smart/Sexy Librarian. And I'll tell you why! Her acting is natural, she's easy on the eyes, says DITA, and she comes across in her character as above-average intelligence as I mentioned in the beginning of my Review description as half Marilyn Monroe and half Mamie Van Doren, meaning sexy like Monroe w/wide-eyed innocence but smart and sassy female-empowerment like Van Doren did in almost all of her roles! Rhonda was a great-interview on our show and has a kindness that was felt from spending some brief time w/her having lunch and chatting as well as being on the set w/her on our show as well as doing a on camera tour once for the B-Movie Channel w/her and our Producer and sometimes Host; Darell Erazo, in the infamous Roosevelt Hotel which is allegedly haunted, hon! No foolin!
The Monsters in this flick were also played very well by male actors and are very memorable. A 'fun-fact'/side-note that this film was once Hosted by WILLIAM SHATNER for the Sy-Fy Channel and Rhonda Griffin's other fun flick from Full Moon was and is Hosted by ELVIRA ,and is entitled; 'HIDEOUS', which as mentioned by DITA before can be now seen along w/Elvira's other works and movies Streaming on Amazon-Prime now!
I, DITA DIRT NAP would love to get a side job w/either or both companies, Hon. Review movies for Amazon Prime, especially ELVIRA's Work and Reviewing for FULL MOON PICTURES and/or Hosting their Full Moon Movies as me, DITA DIRT NAP, Horror/Cult Hostess & Movie Reviewer for CountGore.com with the most-est in all the right rotted places! W-h-a-t? I'm full of myself, umm, I mean ,ahem, I'm a self-promoter and will work for ppe and/or hand sanitizer if this pandemic ever ends. Gheez!
(But seriously ;ATTENTION :AMAZON PRIME and/or FULL MOON PICTURES, Contact DITA
at; DDN1965@LIVE.COM for Hosting and/or Reviewing work in addition to working in
I, DITA DIRT NAP gives this little horror-comedy that hits the spot for seeking out entertainment to watch during the Boring/Cold month of January to chase away your post-holiday blues or 'winter-blues', a Perfect Score of 3 Skulls Out Of A 3 Skulls Score!
DITA will say that I have been a Fan of Full Moon Pictures for many years from when I attended along ago FANGORIA Convention back in 1998 and saw their fang-tastic dealers table there which caught my eye w/lots of their movie-trailers playing non-stop that year! Their films are always entertaining , such as the other Review DITA did back in April of 2021 for 420 called; 'EVIL BONG 3'. I Reviewed EVIL BONG 1 back in 2020 as well as I will be Reviewing Full Moon's; 'EVIL BONG 4' this April of 2022 and have Reviewed 'HIDEOUS' in the past as well as in the future w/Rhonda Griffin.
You can also stream The Creeps on Amazon Prime!
Until Next week,
DITA ('Fallen Angel') DIRT NAP
(Too see that Exact Music-Video we used in our Interview w/Star of; 'THE CREEPS'-Rhonda Griffin; 'FALLEN ANGEL' Remix Video from D.J. Paul Oakenfold from Traci Lords, Click here,
Dear> https://youtu.be/djtCmwEYXjs )
Contact DITA DIRT NAP @ DDN1965@LIVE.COM
As usual check out these 'DITA-Suggested Sites as follows;
www.halloweenalliance.com Radio Halloween plays best Halloween music and stories all day, all night, & all year!
www.tubitv.com (Full Moon Pictures Films can be seen w/many titles available here.)
www.stopasianhate.info #StopAsianHate - Fight Anti-Asian Racism This is a work-in-progress space to centralize information and important links in support of the #StopAsianHate movement. Learn. Share. Donate. Report. Volunteer. Get Resources.
www.facebook.com/DJDugGraves (Tune in To DUG GRAVES HORROR RADIO SHOW Every Friday Night, Hon! Perfect for chasing away your 'winter-blues!' DITA Like-y!)
DITA says; Did you know the Late, Great 100 Year Old Actress BETTY WHITE Starred
in A Fun/Scary Horror Flick once called; 'LAKE PLACID?'
DITA wishes BETTY WHITE a 'Happy-Existence' on the 'Other-Side' and would like
to Thank her for Sharing her decades long talent with the World and More
Importantly for brining importance to the plight of
getting pets Adopted for many decades in her lifetime including working with her
old friend DORIS DAY on the Doris Day Animal-League Foundation! DITA bets their
both hanging out together now on the 'Other Side'
w/their many Pets that have passed on too and hanging out visiting each other with maybe a good game of gin rummy! BETTY WHITE , DITA has enjoyed watching your many TV shows like; 'LIFE WITH ELIZABETH', THE MARY TYLER MOORE SHOW', 'THE BETTY WHITE SHOW', 'MAMMA'S FAMILY' w/Carol Burnett & Vicki Lawrence, 'THE GOLDEN GIRLS', Hosting S.N.L. as well as those fun 'CELEBRITY ROASTS' and 'HOT IN CLEAVELAND!' DITA ALSO ONCE HAD THE PLEASURE OF MEETING MS. WHITE AT THE 'RADIO & TV MUSEUM OF ARTS & SCIENCES'. She of course was kind and delightful and made everyone howl w/Laughter at the Q. & A. Afterwards! SHE IS ALREADY AND WILL ALWAYS BE MISSED HERE ON THE 'EARTH-PLANE!' P.S. Happy Belated 100th Birthday Betty!!! Click here to see the Best of her Character; ROSE on 'GOLDEN GIRLS', which btw was the Top-Rated Show to watch during the beginning of the Pandemic/Lock-Down back in 2020> https://youtu.be/pGSS0ALn9hM )
A Juri Production
Produced & Directed By;
The Infamous CULT-Director; DORIS WISHMAN
Starring; CHESTY MORGAN, HARRY REEMS. Greg Reynolds,
Saul Meth and Phillip Stahl.
1974 DVD Only for now.
'SOMETHING WEIRD VIDEO'-Special Edition DVD.
Hope your New Years was festive! Yes it's me Back from a short holiday vacay, your 'Horror/Cult'-Temptress of Terror, DITA DIRT NAP!
DITA thought she'd start things off this New 2022 with something very Culty as well as so bad it's good! A Movie close to my little 'Black-Heart' from the Infamous CULT-Director DORIS WISHMAN called; 'DEADLY WEAPONS'. DITA has long been a Fan of it's Culty-est Star ever to grace the Big-Screen, which is noted in the 'GUINNESS BOOK OF WORLD RECORDS' for the Largest Breast ever caught on film which measures as 73-32-36 that belong to MISS CHESTY MORGAN! This film has a sequel that's equally as Cult-tastic called; 'DOUBLE AGENT 73', which DITA will cover in the near future this New Year as well, Hon! Make no mistake kids that this a Cult Flick w/extra Culty-ness!
In fact, 'DEADLY WEAPONS is a 1974 American exploitation film
directed and produced by THE Doris Wishman . It as DITA mentioned stars
burlesque performer Chesty Morgan and Adult Film Star Harry Reems. The
storyline starts out after the mob does a hit on a guy with a list, one of the
hoods keeps decides to just keep this dangerous list it for himself to
black-mail the head guys in it.
When the mobsters find out he's a double-crosser, they off him, which angers his busty girlfriend, CRYSTAL played hysterically by Chesty Morgan aka Zsa Zsa. She goes after them using the only two weapons she has which are 73 inch breasts. No foolin!'
Any-boo, this Flick is hysterical but not meant to be. Look for
shots of peoples feet walking, too long close-ups on stuff like ash trays, dumb
dialogue, as well as dumb dubbed in dialogue for Chesty and more mondo moments!
This film has stuff like the ugliest polyester wardrobe by a leading lady as
well as most of it being ill-fitting in general, Oh and qualifies as visual eye
sores. The best thing DITA liked about this fun cult film is the
bad-acting that actually serves the film well and keeps it entertaining thru
DITA has talked about this subject before here in 'DITA's-DEN' but will happily re-iterate. You see Hon , when bad-acting is used correctly in a flick like this it adds to the film and its pace and most of all provides laughter where it was unintended which as a whole keeps the film entertaining till the last frame. So in short DITA loves bad-acting in the right situation. In fact I can say that mota even helps/enhances the film patrons viewing pleasure as witnessed when DITA once went to a screening of her other Cult Flick; 'DOUBLE AGENT 73',where the theater smelled like a modern day weed shop on my streets of West Hollyweird, CA. (It was also a 'audience-participation' situation.) So as DITA mentioned Crystal/Chesty has a seedy mob-y fiancé who they offed at the beginning of the film.
She becomes so heart-broken that that she decides to go undercover in Vegas, get a quick job as a Stripper, as she one by one takes out the mobster responsible for her afore mentioned fiancé's death.
H-o-w, you may ask??? By smothering them to death with her 'pend-jah-luss'
breasts aka her 'Deadly-Weapons', Silly! Take a look at the 'Strangest Films of
Doris Wishman'-Clip which includes clips from 'DEADLY WEAPONS' and more of Doris
Wishman's Work as their is not a suitable Trailer for 'DEADLY WEAPONS' By
Clicking here, my Culty little coffin-creepers>
Click here to see the CULTY-Trailer for DITA's Review of; 'DEADLY WEAPONS'> https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0069952/?ref_=ext_shr_lnk
So DITA wants to now skip to my Infamous; 'THINGS-2-LOOK-4-List' as Follows;
*Watch for any and all scenes of Crystal/Chesty performing her
Vegas Burlesque act as a Undercover Stripper! Very funny and oddly engaging!
*Scenes where Crystal/Chesty kills her victims while on her trail of culty revenge, by first fixing them a 'knock-out' drink, then while their woozy, she takes off her top to reveal her 'deadly-weapons'.
As well as when doing so, dramatic kind of karate music plays as she gets in position to kill as raises both arms dramatically as she walks towards the evil men . DITA thinks it looks and sounds hysterical!
*Any scene where she changes her clothes or better yet any of her 'I'm dreaming, restless and can't sleep, so I think I'll wrestle my enormous hooter around until the dream-muzak stops. LOL!
* Scene where when trying to apply for the Stripper Job, the Manager pays no attention to her while reading a paper, until Chesty unbuttons her ugly polyester, ill-fitting blouse to reveal her 73 Inch Bust.
When doing say, the sleazy manager drops his big cigar and mutters ; 'Yeah, you got the job!' This is of course after he doesn't look up from his paper and tells her if she has no experience, she can't have the job. (By the way, Hon DITA once had a big-busted friend called; 'POY-SHAY', who once taught DITA how to push her breasts up just so at a cigarette counter, so her big cleavage would be highlighted so as to get a discount from the male cashier on her black & mild cigarettes! TRUE STORY, says DITA!)
*Any scenes where close-ups are done of Chesty's face either looking confused, in deep troubling thought or just plain vapid in general which as DITA mentioned earlier is a good thing in a fun, culty flick such as this one dear hearts!
* End scene where Crystal/Chesty has a shocking, weird discussion w/her father in the film that brings about the surprising ending that DITA will never tell as I've stated before ; 'I ALMOST NEVER REVEAL THE ENDING', UH, so you can get your own Culty-Copy tonight by Clicking on the 'DVD-Icon' next to Dear Old DITA's Review to find out for your self as it is so far not streaming anywhere as of Yet!
* Also of this being a DORIS WISHMAN Film, it has lots of 'stock-footage' of things like planes landing, and can-can dancers allegedly in Vegas and some scenes of the infamous Las Vegas Strip as it were back in 1973 or 74'.
*Most of Adult-Film Actor HARRY REEMS Scenes are great as him playing a bad guy with a Clingy Girlfriend. Watch most for his scene where he end up killing her with his own tie for revealing that she knows too much. As an Actor not doing porn this time DITA thinks he is great, believable and sometimes unintentionally funny. DITA also loves his creep/adorable 70's porn-stache which becomes a Co-Star in scenes where kissing is unavoidably involved as well as knowing how to perfectly fill out a Speedo by the pool when Chesty tries to faux-hit on him which btw,doesn't work. DITA would love to see him in More Cult Flicks even now. What a 70's hunk-a-sorus! LOL!
Now for the entertaining Culty EXTRAS on this 'SPECIAL-EDITION DVD' from 'SOMETHING WEIRD' VIDEO as follows which includes this Tag-Line; 'WATCH OUT FOR THE BOOBY-TRAPS.........THEY-RE EXPLOSIVE!'
Now here as follows are those EXTRAS;
*Archival Short Subject; TEMPEST STORM'S Bosom gets plastered in ;'THE BIG, BIG BUST'.
*DORIS WISHMAN Gallery Of Exploitation Art!' (DITA Like-y!)
DITA can't say enuff good things about this entertaining exploitation Cult Fick which where by the way, DITA forgot to mention at the start of my review that Crystal/Chesty's character in the start of the film is a get this...... successful ad executive , uh, with enormous boom-mah-rellas, my little 'baby-new year spider-bites!' DITA loved re-watching this film that I always find entertaining and adore even more just simply because his has Doris Wishman's hand prints all over it in almost every frame which leads to a boat-load culty marks the DORIS ALL the Way, uh, if you've ever watched any of her films.
Remember years ago DITA reviewed her Only Horror Flick called;
'A NIGHT TO DISMEMBER'. 'LADY-DIRT NAP' has long been a Fan of Chesty's as I
think their is no one on film that is more fun and has a engaging personality
aside or should DITA say along with her massive mammeries! DITA would love
to do an 'Online-Interview' with her if she is even still amongst us of the
To DITA she will always be ;'MSS. CULT-TASTIC-1974!' DITA wants to thank Miss Morgan for her short albeit Film Efforts that still entertain this 'ghoul-gal' every time! You make DITA smile every time you enter a scene!
Remember kids, DITA in the near future will review her other Culty-Flick also Directed by DORIS WISHMAN entitled; 'DOUBLE AGENT 73', where she is a Spy w/spy cameras implanted in her big-knockers! DITA gives this always entertaining Cult Flick w/CHESTY in high Campy, CULT-Mode ;'DEADLY WEAPONS' A Perfect 3 SKULLS OUT OF A 3 SKULLS SCORE!
Watch it this Month w/your special someone curled up on a cozy futon built for two w/a roaring fire in your fireplace and your local 'Road-Kill Pizza-ria' on 'speed-dial!'
Until Next Week,
DITA Blows You 'Vaccinated With A Booster Shot Chainsaw-Kisses'
DITA ('WHEN I'M GONE') DIRT NAP
(Click here to see that Exact NEW Music-Video from KATY PERRY entitled; 'WHEN I'M GONE' By Clicking here, Babe> https://fb.watch/avrRhIYYrZ/ )
p.s. Too see More About CHESTY MORGAN Click here> https://youtu.be/lG5FVXCwXNU and Here> https://youtu.be/NoqAznV6ygY
Also to see More About DORIS WISHMAN Click here> https://youtu.be/hb3KBwUJyLY
Scare-Mail for DITA DIRT NAP; DDN1965@LIVE.COM
'As usual some 'DITA-Suggested Sites to cruise as Follows;
www.somethingweird.com (Tonight's Film-Review Flick is here too, kids!)
www.radiohalloween.com Radio Halloween plays best Halloween music and stories all day, all night, & all year!
www.facebook.com/DJDugGraves (Tune in to THE DUG GRAVES HORROR-RADIO SHOW Every Friday Night! DITA LIKE-Y!)
© D. Dyszel 2021
Dick Dyszel - Voice Actor