Creature Feature Crypt by Count Gore De Vol

“Halfway to Halloween”


    This Saturday, May 15th, 2021, is a red-letter-date, a real holiday on the calendar—at least, to those of us who feel that Halloween is not a single day, but a month-long (at the very least) Monsterpalooza. That date marks the halfway point of the year between the previous October 31st, and the next. In the Unimonster’s Crypt, it marks when I officially start planning for my Halloween celebrations.

    What possesses one to start thinking about Halloween more than a month before summer begins? When the Crypt has yet to see an eighty-degree day, and precious few in the seventies? Can the Unimonster be so hooked on Halloween that he spends half the year looking forward to it? Well … yeah.

    If Halloween is truly a state of mind, which for many of us is a given, then that state may exist at any time of the year, not just in October. A Halloween mood is as valid on New Year’s Day as it is on All Hallows Eve—perhaps more so. It takes no effort to feel the Halloween spirit on the 31st of October. To feel that desire for ghosts, and goblins, and things that go bump in the night when most people still have their Christmas decorations up takes a true love for Halloween. Most would equate a love for Horror movies with a love for Halloween, and that’s not entirely wrong. One just naturally leads to the other.

    But a true Halloween spirit goes beyond merely being a fan of Horror. It’s the desire to have Halloween decorations be a part of your year-round home décor. It’s having a significant percentage of your wardrobe be Horror movie t-shirts. It’s the eager anticipation one feels waiting for the first Halloween treats to appear in stores. In short it means, to quote the title of a documentary examining our favorite Horror-movie-hosting Vampire Count, “every other day is Halloween.”

    Well, that describes the Unimonster. I do have my Halloween decorations up in the Crypt year-round. Approximately ninety-five percent of my wardrobe are my Horror tees. If I don’t buy the first bag of Halloween candy I see on the store shelves then it won’t be a good Halloween season. Halloween is my season, and always has been.

    So how will the Unimonster be celebrating Halfoween? To begin with, I’ll be doing my initial planning for what has become the centerpiece of the Halloween festivities for me and my best friends, the October Couch Potato Film Festival. A month-long bacchanalia of Horror, the OCPFF has been a touchstone of our Halloween celebrations for nearly two decades now, and will be as long as this Unimonster is above ground.

    My main celebration will be that evening however, when my nephews and I will have one of our regular movie nights. A dusk-to-dawn party involving pizza, chicken nuggets, chips, candy, Mountain Dew, single malt scotch (for Uncle Uni…), and great Horror films, our movie nights have long been a combination of bonding time and a graduate course in Horror movie history. Though the boys are both in their early twenties now, and the movie nights don’t happen as often as they once did, I still treasure them.

    So, Saturday is Halfoween. Is it a big deal? Yes, and no. Yes, because it means that we can start counting down to the big day. And no … because if it is truly a state of mind, then every day can be Halloween.


Creature Feature © D. Dyszel 2021

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Dick Dyszel - Voice Actor